THE BLOG

Beyond The Valley: Mobile Mutated Your Soul

24/07/2014 09:28 BST | Updated 21/09/2014 10:59 BST

Ever eaten a Cuttlefish?

They are tasty. That's their issue. Cuttlefish camouflage in bizarre ways, spew ink at interruptions, and communicate between themselves via smell, colour and other unknown means. Much like consumers do on the new generation of messaging Apps.

Some think cuttlefish are The Answer to hunger, indigestion and fictional hormonal imbalances.

Some think "mobile" and the electric cuttlefish of messaging are The Answer to consumer indifference and gangrene infested marketing strategies.

The Answer is a scarf against bracing cold reality of the now. A secret message from or about or around Mobile changes the subject from rancid results and attempts to jam old corked wine into new bottles.

You'll remember The Jive Twinz, whom we met at Cannes.

Groovy omnichannel Agency man and his cutting edge loadsafun Client. Men that need mobile and messaging to redefine their careers yet again.

When we last left them, they were hitching a lift to Nice Airport.

They found themselves in Luton, with rapacious legacy "businesses" offering to take them home. To Clapham and Kingston-on-Thames, respectively. Buzzing about their hungover hulks like vultures on the Veldt.

On the one hand was £130+ each. On the other, Uber.

What? We can pay £60ish each not £270 together when our expenses are already problematic? All those silent doubts about everything, as Client and Agency, answered in a late night ride for a fairer price.

In the obscene light of morning, an epiphany was experienced: Mobile is the answer.

At Cannes, there was NeoBarleyite talk about brand Apps and messaging that just might inspire a way to create an innovative integration whatever something for that celebrity fronted TVC about to break like the wind. A jape involving ping pong and a possible Andre Agassi dressed as an armadillo for reasons unknown. Needing 'activation' like a blow up doll on an oil rig.

Call a friend.

Contact the Code Clown and get him to make a Tinder for table tennis lovers with WhatsApp and SnapChat sharing buttons. Perfect. Magic.

Meet the Code Clown. He lives in a Clerkenwell Circus of Con, ready to dump on the dignity of the Jive Twinz. Late 30s. Dressed like a noughties Sk8erBoi with mad cash. Been through and founded more failing startups than a fifth rate mechanic on a banger race track. Would assume Nathan Barley is a low food miles organic Gluten free restaurant franchise rather than a Greek Tragedy curse on his very soul. If you can find it.

Existing technologies, Social networks and Apps are profoundly inadequate in the Clown's expert view. It is always time for some disruption.

The Jive Twinz count their money, polish another fever dream stool and ring the Code Clown in gleeful anticipation. This, THIS, will be big.

In a frenzied lad love concall, cash is vacuumed towards Clerkenwell and someone forgets that getting consumers to download another App needs more Paid media and incentives than required to get a hippopotamus running a marathon. On Mars. As if that was even worth the bother.

George Clinton said that you can't fake the Funk, or your nose will grow and you'll end up stupid, mocked, naked and alone.

Fake mobile and you change the subject away from creative and strategic bankruptcy, by distracting everyone with a novel new thing like messaging that is The Answer.

The Answer has shielded and inspired the Jive Twinz for years.

Above the line out of time? Move to Digital. Microsite not working right? Socialise it. Facebook not got the look? We've moved on to mobile. And messaging. Stop that negativity and see you at Digital Shoreditch.

Trouble is, there is nowhere left to hide. You suck or succeed.

Mobile is no novelty, it's how 87%+ of people even in the UK connect with their world, and therefore, brands.

Messaging Apps are not some kind of magic hippo chow that lets marketers get up in people's grilles again in the same way in a new place. WhatsApp is more hostile to brands than a hippo in a paddling pool. But reality moves on. Beta versions of Twitter's App in India have a Share button for this person to person, word of mouth network.

This is not an opportunity, it's a test. Messaging and mobile are a filter for fail. Great marketers will rise to it like cacti in a rainstorm.

A brand presence needs to be worth bothering with, face to face, on the go. It takes it back to the beginning, where brands need to give value, not novelty or noise. This is hard. It takes thought, care and time. Three ingredients boring to the Jive Twinz and obscene to the Code Clown.

When the fun stops, the Twinz will be dancing at the end of a rope with no music, and the Clown will have taken his circus to town, again.

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