THE BLOG

The One Thing That Keeps You Single!

20/04/2015 12:33 BST | Updated 17/06/2015 10:59 BST

Over the years I have spoken with many people, both men and women, who really (really really) wanted to be in a relationship. They had been looking for years, doing all the things they could think of to find someone but to no avail.

The first thing I tell them is to stop looking and start living. You see often when we are really wanting something we focus only on that and forget that there is a world outside of the thing we are wanting. And, when it comes to relationships once we get too intense about it we come over as desperate. And that is the most unattractive energy we could put out.

I talk about energy because the energy with which we walk into a room communicates more than our body language or our words. First and foremost we communicate energetically. Have you ever had someone walk into a room and you ask them "how's things?" and they have replied 'fine'. Trouble is you can feel that it isn't true, it is like they have walked into the room with a little black cloud raining on their head. That's the energetic level of communication I am talking about.

Same goes for when we really need a relationship. We start believing that without someone by our side we are not whole, we need someone to complete us. If Mr or Mrs Right would just come along everything would be perfect. Wrong. The only thing we need is a relationship with ourselves. We need to start liking or even loving ourselves before anyone can come in to our life and love us too. We need to start living our life to the full rather than waiting for someone to come before we start living large. Asking someone else to complete us is a huge ask of anyone. Instead think about having someone to share all of you with.

I tell my clients to go out and live the life you want to share with your partner now. If you are waiting for them to come along so you can improve your social life - go out and improve your social life. If you are waiting for them so you can travel to exotic places - go travel to exotic places. If you are waiting for them to join you in learning to dance - go learn to dance. Go and live your life as you wish to live it with your partner. Fall in love your life - just as it is.

If you walk into somewhere with that hunting look and desperate energy communicating this burning need for a partner - they will run a mile. It is just too intense and scary. However if you walk in full of the joys of spring, happy with your life just as it is and thinking how nice it will be at some point in my life to share all this wonderfulness with someone - now that's attractive! People love happy people, genuine happiness is the biggest aphrodisiac I know. So, instead of going hunting, leave that all behind and decide to live your life as the person you'd like to be when Mr or Mrs Right shows up. You'll have more fun and be far more likely to bump into them doing whatever you love.