Let's Talk About Sex - Daily

20/09/2016 13:15

Since having my second child in April last year, I started to describe my hormones as having flat lined or something. Basically, my interest in sex was at an all time low - zero. At first this was OK because, of course, there's a reprieve after having a child - that period of no sex, which is naturally accepted. Then, without thinking about it, this time stretched from weeks to months. Suddenly, my youngest was 16 months old and I couldn't recall the last time I had properly wanted to have sex.

Having two children under the age of two didn't help. We were both knackered and every evening, sleep sounded like a much more appealing option. But then, I finally got help with the kids at home, they both started sleeping through the night - we were getting more sleep and still - sex was off the menu for me.

I started to wonder how my husband was feeling about this lack of interest, and I began to feel guilty about putting him through it. I told myself it was better to be true to myself and not just 'do it' to please him. But then, one day, I changed my mind...

It was after a girly supper one night that I came home armed with the knowledge that a woman called Brittany Gibbons had once written for the Huffington Post on the topic of having sex with her partner every day for a year. During that dinner we had laughed wryly about the impossibility of that feat. When did she find the time? - And more pertinently - the inclination? I was fascinated.

Brittany's article didn't disappoint, it answered all of my questions and from it, I realised she was no different to me. Her body had changed after children, her confidence had waned and life had taken over - as well as the excuses. Sex was no longer a priority. However, the way Brittany described it, daily sex was not impossible and the benefits far outweighed any effort invested. The kindness shown to each other during those more intimate moments would spill over into everyday life between husband and wife and they were genuinely happier.

I thought about my own situation. We were a happy couple, we definitely had our moments - me being hot-headed and him being stubborn didn't help - but over all we got along extremely well. Even with a sex drought happening we were fine. But I couldn't help but wonder how much happier we might be if I just invested that time and effort - like Brittany had.

And so, I took the plunge - texting my girlfriends with the intended plan so that there was no going back - I told them and most importantly, my husband, that I planned to have sex with him every day for 365 days.

Just over one week in and I can report back that already there have been some pretty miraculous effects from this experiment on our married life together. So much so, that I am now a convert;

• First of all, the interest has come back. I can confirm that the old adage - that the more sex one has, the more interested in it we become - is true. Although some evenings I am not full of excitement as we head upstairs to bed, on those more lacklustre evenings, it has become almost comical - and that is fun too.
• I feel better about my body - less self-conscious of the new look that has developed since having kids. Importantly, it has really sunk in that my husband properly finds me attractive - it's not just lip service.
• We both seem to be making an effort to be more kind and patient with each other at other times during the day. Brittany was right - the emotional bond from more regular intimacy really does seem to spill over into other areas.

So 51 weeks to go and I imagine that once this year is through we will be closer emotionally, mentally, physically and that we will have enjoyed a lot of laughs. I also think I won't necessarily want to continue having sex every day, but that we will probably discover our own balance of what feels right for us both. I now know one thing for sure though - that sex will never be (even temporarily) off the menu again. Our marriage is definitely worth that little bit of effort that it takes to shift it from friendship mode - into husband and wife mode.