Dating Isn't Just a Numbers Game

24/06/2016 14:56

Dating isn't just a numbers game; you can't simply date as many people as possible, hoping one sticks. Unfortunately, this is how most people approach dating. The common misconception is that mister or misses right is hidden in the masses and all that one has to do is date enough people, sifting through the crowd and finally find that perfect one.

With the advent of so many dating apps and sites, the average person in London has at least 10x (I'm way underestimating) more people available to them than they did 20 years ago. Your parents and grandparents never had these shiny, modern dating technologies at their disposal. So, with all the efforts that have been made to simplify dating, why does it actually seem like meeting the right person has actually become harder?

Well... as you may have already learned from personal experience, quantity doesn't necessarily equal quality; stories of failure, disappointment and frustration far outweigh success stories, which are rare and far in-between on the online dating market. Then surely there must be more to the story than casting a wide enough net to catch the right fish.

So what is it that you are missing?

Our dating culture has trivialized finding a partner and creating a relationship based on truth and integrity. We have become conditioned to go on lots and lots of dates with lots and lots of people, in the process, losing site of individual worth and relationship values.

Nowadays, especially in large metropolitan cities like London, people date for the sake of dating. The magic of dating, the specialness of spending time with someone and getting to truly know them has been replaced by sheer volume.

A much more wiser and effective way to find a partner is to narrow down your search, being very clear about who you are and what you are looking for so that you can date with a higher rate of success and enjoyment rather than going on date after date, exhausting your energies, becoming cynical and losing hope that you'll find "the one". You have to start looking beyond just a mutual interest in the same kind of movies or London nightclubs; but when we've been conditioned to swipe away at another 10 people when they don't meet our exact specifications, it could be challenging to stick around and get to know a person long enough to evaluate their actual character and values, beyond our initial check list.

Unfortunately, our generation has received unsuccessful and vain conditioning about what values are actually necessary for lasting and loving relationships. We have so many people available to us that our lists of what we want become more and more trivial as we think there'll always be another if this one doesn't work out. But, if we want a lasting relationship, we've got to get real and realise the importance, the critical significance of getting in touch with what really matters and seeking a partner based on values and substance. Otherwise, the dating game came become tiresome and tedious, turning you into a pessimistic cynic from a hopeless romantic, after you've been playing for a while.