I haven't blogged in a while. I've never been much good at this blogging thing. Half the time I have no idea what to say; the other half, I simply have no time in which to say it.

But anyway, blogging tumbleweed aside, I thought I'd leap back into the...

I own a spaniel named Archie. He is nearly two years old and I am head-over-heels in love with him. As he well knows.

So I was pretty pleased to read that Kate Middleton now owns Lupo the cocker spaniel puppy. Hurrah! More royal distinction for the humble spaniel,...

The new series of The Only Way is Essex started last night, and has already asserted itself as the most intelligent series yet. What do I mean by this? Barbie-esque characters Lauren Pope ('Popey'), Chloe Sims and Frankie Essex were sitting in a wine bar, discussing current affairs - that...

Famed for his dubious '80s-hairstyle rather than any discernible talent, it is little wonder that former DJ and Fun House presenter Pat Sharp is keen to make an impression in the Australian jungle. Finally! A chance to shake off the mullet-y punchlines and become known for something slightly less hairy!

We were all shocked last night when, following the Sunday evening episode of The Only Way is Essex, news broke on Twitter that Sam and Billie Faiers - the smiley sisters who run Minnie's Boutique - had been brutally attacked and hospitalised.
With their fellow cast members sending remarkably...

I've tried ever so hard to keep my mouth shut about Courtney Stodden...

• I haven't commented on her bizarre marriage to Doug Hutchison


• I haven't made note of her frequently blotchy fake tan


• I haven't spread rumours that she is quite clearly not 16-years-old


• I haven't...

With the headlines surrounding them becoming increasingly unlikely, here is a look at some of the upcoming stories, hitting a tabloid near you (or not).
Made in Chelsea
1. Spencer and Caggie FINALLY get it on
In the most unexpected plot twist in television history, Pug and...

The gang descended upon 'the country' in this week's episode, and, in doing so, the nation discovered a long-lost descendent of Mrs Rochester, the deranged wife kept in the attic in Jane Eyre. Her name is Gemma, and she is utterly stark-raving bonkers. Rather than being kept locked in an...

The big revelation of last night's show came, as ever, from Mark Wright. Brace yourselves: it' a big'un.

Mark has a walk-in wardrobe.

He also has around 100 pairs of neatly arranged trainers.

Oh, and he also claims to have slept with Juicy Lucy as recently as three weeks ago,...

I am a Made in Essex addict. A The Only Way is Chelsea connoisseur. See what I did there?

My point is, to the discerning reality tele buff around town, the two shows - the aces of ITV2 and Channel 4 - are so formulaically similar that the one could...

We all knew from the moment that Cheska first mentioned it that Hugo had been playing away. Last night's episode saw Caggie interrogate the oily cad about the rumours and, finally, tell Millie the truth. A well-aimed cocktail in the face later and the relationship was well and truly over....