What Happens When Parenting Goes Horribly Wrong...

11/01/2017 15:45

Look, I get it.

You're sat on the other side of this blog thinking who are you to be talking about when parenting goes wrong - you don't have any kids of your own.

Absolutely. I don't.

But I do work with families who have been trapped in a downward cycle of overwhelm, inconsistency and frustration.

Some of my families are literally at breaking point when I get called in.

So, while I don't live and breathe parenting in my personal life.

I really do know what happens when parenting goes horribly wrong.

The worst thing about it, is that there are no rules when it comes to who is going to struggle with looking after children.

Even if right now you've got parenting down to a T, life has a habit of throwing curve balls our way and knocking us right out of the zone.

When this happens things get hard.

I don't just mean shouting hard.

I mean full blown screaming, breaking things, hitting family members, stealing cars, drinking, taking drugs and ending with a policeman knocking at your door type hard.

The really troubling thing, I'm not necessarily talking about teenagers.

Most of the families I come across have kids in primary school - and yes the above describes what they're dealing with...

When parenting goes wrong - children grow up without trust, without self-belief, and when things go horribly wrong, without the capacity to care for another person.

I'm sure if you think about all the people you know, there are people who jump into your mind right now who are: sneaky, manipulative, overbearing, egotistical... and a whole host of other not so pleasant descriptive.

It's highly likely that, these guys and gals were not supported early on during their childhood.

As adults, we are the sum of all we were both taught and experienced as children.

If you never show a child how to share, then they'll never understand how to share as an adult.

While, us adults don't tend to 'play' we do have to get along with other adults in the real world.

Even something as simple as sharing, translated into adulthood, could manifest as; someone who never offers to make the tea for others; someone who takes a large piece of office birthday cake; an individual who is incapable of working as part of a team...

So, yes, when parenting goes horribly wrong, children turn into adolescents who undoubtedly end up spending their whole time on this earth in and out of the prison system.

But, more importantly, when it goes a little bit awry, thanks to lady luck kicking you square in the gut, it can cause havoc with your child's attempt at adulting later on in life.

Now, I don't mean to scare the bejeezus out of you with this post.

I hope you're not panicking because you hid in the toilet for 30 minutes to read a magazine and avoid your toddler...

It's OK, kids are pretty resilient.

As adults, we have to consistently fail them for a while before things go terribly wrong.

However, if you've been on the slippery slope for a few weeks, you'll already have started to notice their behaviour change.

It really won't get better until you actively put things right again.

Don't worry, there are some really simple things you can do, to get you all back on the right path.

You can decide right now, that today is going to be different and make one small positive change.

Say something good about your child.

It doesn't have to be anything big - even if it's just a thank you for; getting dressed by yourself, for flushing the toilet, or for making you laugh.

Then tomorrow do it again.

And again the next day...

The most important thing in parenting, is to show up, everyday, no matter what.

Good luck & happy parenting!

Katie.

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