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To the Lovely Lady That's Just Become a Single Mum From Another Single Mum

12/05/2015 10:45 BST | Updated 11/05/2016 10:59 BST

Dear Lovely lady - yes you!

No matter how you've ended up in the position, please know that although it can and most likely will be bloody tough at times; focusing on your children will help you cope and get you through this. Academic I know, but remind yourself of this often.

No one said it was going to be easy and you'll probably get days when you can feel like you are slipping down into that big black hole and not sure if your fingertips alone will pull you back out. But something inside sparks and ignites you again and soon enough you're walking on that bright green grass.

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My sister sent me this quote and it's stuck with me since.

Some days it will feel like you are the loneliest person surrounded by all these people, yet not one person understands. Look harder and you will eventually find you are not alone.

Some days it'll feel like everyone is avoiding you on purpose because they don't know what to say to you. That may be true in some cases but it's only because people care and they don't want to risk upsetting you. They don't know how fragile or strong you are feeling.

A little thing called self care is good for you. Without you, your children can't flourish the way they do; without you, their days won't be showered with love. You can tell that git the guilt monster to shove off for a second and allow yourself some breathing space. No one said that being a great mother meant forgetting about you, your feelings and existing like you have no soul.

Some days it'll feel like a walk in the park and some days it'll feel like you just want the ground to swallow you up and to never spit you back out again.

The "perfect" family is amplified around you and each time it cuts a little deeper into your gaping failure wound. But you know what? As tough as this sounds, life isn't full of fairytale endings and it pains me to say it, but it just isn't.

Being in a partnership doesn't define you as a person. Of course it's incredible to share your life with someone you love and trust, who equally feels the same. Sometimes in life that's ripped from right under our feet and the next thing you know, the world you once knew has come crashing down around you.

You have a strength and courage you aren't even aware of yet, this is just the beginning of your new chapter.

Allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself time to heal and be kind to yourself.

Be bold. Be brave. Leave the judgemental people behind - you have no time for that. Let them project their insecurities elsewhere.

When someone shows you the love, support and friendship you need - hold on to them tightly with both hands. They are meant to be in your life.

I hope that you will embark on the new life ahead you with your head held high and a great big beaming smile on your face. Happiness is yours for the taking, so please grab it.

Love and light

Kat

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