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The Big Orgasm Debate - To Fake or Not to Fake

26/06/2014 14:34 BST | Updated 25/08/2014 10:59 BST

Last night I met a friend for a drink. We had a nice chat and the conversation found its way around to the subject of her new lover. She has amazing chemistry with him apparently and the sex is great. She wants to keep him around. Being eight years younger than her she's not expecting a wedding ring any day soon but is more than happy to open her bed for him should the situation arise again.

She admitted to me something which I found interesting, not because it was a particularly unique subject, but that she had concerns about saying she had done it. She faked an orgasm. The big 'Harry Met Sally', head thrown back, 'Oh yes, yes like that, wait for me, hell yes ... Ohh! Ohh! OHHHH YES YES!!' Fake orgasm.

And I have news for you boys. It happens all the time.

In fact, it has been estimated in a 'recent survey' that around 70% of women have faked an orgasm at some point in their life. (And the 30% who haven't are still virgins.)

I have strong views on the subject, aving screamed out in faux bliss a few times myself.

It is of the school of thought of many that it is a destructive thing to do and that if you are in a sexual relationship with someone you should be able to speak openly and freely about what they are doing wrong or, hopefully, right. You should not have to fake pleasure and you are denying yourself a future of sexual satisfaction by doing so. I'm not so sure. I don't think the honesty of pleasure is always as black and white a subject as people would have us believe.

The reality is, and of course I can only talk from personal experience, that sometimes, dare I say it, we don't know the surname of some of the people we end up in bed with, let alone waste good quality shagging time by sitting them down for a guided tour of the clitoris. It's just not realistic and sometimes, though some men may have a fantastic rhythm and flow, they just don't quite hit the spot.

Which leads me to my second point and, men listen up, here comes the science bit - just because a woman doesn't orgasm it doesn't mean she hasn't had good sex. Sometimes it's as much about the journey as it is the destination and the build up should not be underestimated.

This is where I disagree with the argument that a faked orgasm is always a negative thing. Actually sometimes it's just a polite way of saying, 'Wow, you do it for me, we have chemistry and soon I know you'll be sending me into orgasm heaven, but right now it's not quite there so here are a few shudders to let you know your'e on the right track'.

There are, of course, other reasons for faking orgasms. It may well be because he's banging away like a frigging maniac, it's getting boring or painful and it's the easiest way to wrap things up. A straight to the point faked orgasm can be far less complicated than a request to stop and an explanation why.

Note to all men - four hours of being banged from behind does not good loving always make. I'm not suggesting you start and finish the job in an ad break but really, we aren't entering the Olympics here.

The fake orgasm, however, is not something I would recommend in the long term and when you find yourself faking an orgasm on your wedding night it might be time to rethink your bedroom activities. Generally speaking my advice to men would be, don't take it personally. A fake orgasm doesn't always mean you are bad in bed. It can be a polite way of saying, hurry up or you've got potential - fingers crossed it's the second.

The good news is a convincing fake orgasm takes time to master and concentration to perform, if she's bothered to pull one out the bag you're halfway there, her intentions are genuine even if her orgasms aren't.