In a few weeks time it will be my birthday, and I have big plans for the year ahead. Just as I always start January with the best intentions, so too, I plan big things after each birthday. These plans vary from year to year, but somewhere on the list there is, more often than not, the intention to drop a stone in weight, exercise daily and be able to wear nothing but a pair of micro denim cut-offs and a crop top by high summer.
It has become apparent, however, as each milestone passes and the temptation of August evenings in beer gardens rears its ugly head, that my plans are, perhaps, better considered than my actions.
Indeed, it's fair to say that, after each birthday my determination to eat nothing but beetroot, edamame beans and kale for six months disappears as soon as my hangover does.
So perhaps my 'New Birthday Year's Resolution' this time around should be about not setting myself unrealistic goals but accepting things for the way they are. Either that or aim for the more achievable, like finding a solution for world debt or dealing with the housing crisis in Greater London.
On top of which, according to a 'recent survey' curvy (make of it what you will) women are more likely to have a fulfilling sex life. The source of the information escapes me but I dare say it was conjured up by Krispy Kreme donuts or some such company, 'Eat pie, get laid'. Catchy, I like it.
Can this really be true?
Just as I was contemplating the idea that despite the brainwashing of the media and the unrealistic ideals created for women to adhere to, that there might be women out there who aren't on a diet and are having regular, fantastic sex, I stumbled across a Facebook status on my timeline. You know the type, 'Forward this lucky shamrock to 300 people or you'll be cursed forever!', 'Share if you love your life!', 'Wouldn't it be the perfect crime if I stole your heart and you stole mine!'. Yuck, you get the picture.
So, this particular nugget of Facebook wisdom said something along the lines of true happiness and beauty only coming from loving oneself.
Eh? What new age nonsense was this? And then I had the thought, in relation to my personal 2 hour daily spinning class vs. delicious Sauvignon Blanc and cream cake conundrum, that sexy people (regardless of their size) don't plan their year ahead in the hope they will be something else in the future - thinner, prettier and allegedly happier. They carry on exactly as they are because they see no reason to change.
And there in lies the answer. The reason that some 'curvy' women have good sex is because they think they're hot, and that means ... they probably are! A woman, regardless of her size, who sees herself as enough will be just that.
It's not being fat or thin that gets people laid, it's believing they can and knowing they are sexy. Sexiness isn't about counting calories and constant self-doubt it is about self belief and sometimes saying, 'Sod the diet, give me wine! Give me cheese! Give me chocolate!'
Aside from this, you show me a man that finds the Atkins diet a turn-on and prefers a girl who'll only shag on a 'thin day' with the lights off and I'll show you someone who has no idea what being a real woman is all about (or, I doubt, real sex.)
So this year, I won't go on a diet, cut out sugar or ban carbs from the house. I will eat and enjoy it.
True, unapologetic, gorgeous, sexy self confidence or a slightly flatter stomach ... I know what I'd choose.
Now pass me the cake, I want to get horny.Suggest a correction