I was thinking about how people see people with disabilities. The two types I see are that they are fakers, scrounging off the government or the second that they are some kind of superheroes who can do anything they put their mind to. The reality is I am none of these. I can't just do anything I put my mind to, I wish I could! I don't want to be stuck like this. I couldn't run before I got ill but I did enjoy a good walk and a night out here and there and I'm looking forward to getting back to being that person.
I want to be an every day person not training for the 2020 Paralympics just because I'm in a wheelchair. I can barely move my own chair let alone race in one! People expect me to be able to do all sorts of things if I just think positively but sadly it just doesn't work like that. I'm a pretty positive person so if positivity was the issue I'd be doing ok.
I'm not a superhuman, inspirational person. I'm just trying to deal with the crappy hand I've been dealt. I worry that I will die without doing some amazing that I'll be remembered for but that's because i read too many books about incredible people! I love reading about people who have escaped adversity and changed the world. If I don't change the world before I die I'll feel I've failed. We put too much pressure on ourselves to be out of the ordinary when just being ordinary is very underrated.
I just want my children to grow up to be contented and happy with their lives in whatever they chose to do. They don't have to be anything spectacular for me to be proud of them. I know they struggle with me being ill and for their sakes as much as mine I hope I get back to normal quickly. When my eldest son was three we lost his baby brother to meningitis so we have all been through enough. Normality is all we wish for.
So I'm not going to be an inspirational, superhuman. I'm just going to focus on being normal. A normal person who just has a bit of bad luck and is damn good at dancing even in a wheelchair!
For more information about epilepsy, go to www.epilepsysociety.org.uk
If you would like to talk to someone about epilepsy, call their confidential helpline for information and emotional support.
Epilepsy Society Helpline 01494 601 400 Mon and Tues 9am-4.30pm, Wed 9am-7.30pm