When Cheryl squeezed her big barnet and tear-stained hair extensions onto that private jet destined for America; saying "Haway man" at the prospect of a platform to super stardom, we never imagined that her accent would become the main reason for her humiliating tumble back down to earth with only Cashley and his granny pants to cushion the blow.
Surely the producers must have known this was going to be an issue with the American audience, or perhaps Cole's breathtaking beauty was meant to be her saving grace. Therefore it's almost ironic how Ms Kelly Rowland graces our TV screens weekend after weekend without the need of subtitles; even Louis Walsh has taken to impersonating her to gain more airtime after turning his acts into future Dancing On Ice contestants.
For me, Kelly is the big star of this year's X Factor. Yes, Gary Barlow has penned some nice tunes, lost the puppy fat and signed a big enough cheque to make Robbie stay sober, but Ms Rowland was part of a global girl band, is Beyonce's best friend and y'all better recognise she be from America. The show has been crying out for a heavyweight star ever since Cowell and Cole's departure, and Kelly adds that extra razzle dazzle that us Saturday night staying-in folk crave when the sequins gets too much; Strictly speaking of course.
Upon watching the X Factor religiously each weekend, it is safe to say Kelly's LA-isms get better each week, especially when addressing the contestants, who are usually being eyed up by 4'9" Dermot O'Dreary and trying not to pull their sympathy voting face before he announces the telephone number.
While Tulisa may say how "amazing" and "breathtaking" a performance was, Ms K-Row comes over all red, white and blue with phrases such as "you put it down baby girl" (that was a very good performance my dear) and "I just love me some you" (I really like you *wink wink, nudge nudge).
Kelly's best comment to date comes when addressing Ellie-Goulding-Without-The-Personality; aka Janet Devlin. After forgetting the words (again) during a crucial performance, Kelly jumped to the defence of her "baby girl" by saying, "you own that stage every week momma, just keep telling everyone that me me? I'm Janet Devlin boo boo." This sort of language is usually reserved for my kitten or my friend's one-month-old little boy, but as the words leave my mouth even I fail to understand what the heck I am actually saying. However, being from across the pond means that Kelly can ham it up for a Saturday night, without producers shipping her off and replacing her with Alexandra Burke; that would not be ok.com ya dig?
I'm just thankful that Tulisa has not followed suit, as the arm-flash wink-clash combination at the beginning is enough to put me off venturing to Camden Town ever again. However Ms Constavrosflately may not be returning to our screens next year, as the rumour mill predicts that only Louis Walsh is a dead cert for 2012; just like the cockroach that sprung back to life from Fatima's flaring nostril.
I say y'all better listen up and recognise that Ms Kelly Rowland puts it down every week baby girl, and I'll be one angry Momma if producers stop loving them some her.
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