Kirsty Smith
Eeh Bah Mum is the parenting blog that’s not just for parents.

Looking at the funny side of family life so far I have asked Is My Son A Dick? (answer: Yes probably) and compared my toddler daughter to Margaret Thatcher and written about the Top 10 Things you will do as a parent that you will not like.

Before I had children I was a successful TV producer making comedy, magic and entertainment programmes, I owned a Mulberry handbag entirely free from rice cakes.

Fast forward to the birth of my second child when I was asked if I’d describe myself as a Stay At Home Mum or a Housewife? Now I am kept awake worrying that if I die in a freak accident I will be described in the news as a 40 year old housewife/ home maker and mother of two.

Which I suppose I am.

But I’m also lots of other things too: If I am dead please feel free to flesh out your obit with the following:

Eeh Bah Mum is a runner, a writer, a Morris Dancer, a magician’s assistant, an amazing Southeast Asian cook, not very good at baking, even worse at sewing, don’t get me started on knitting….

Eeh Bah Mum loves Jon Stewart, Vietnamese food, Marc Jacobs clothes, Midwinter pottery, my Acne Pistol boots, Vivienne Westwood (clothes and the lady), making pies, London, Yorkshire, my boobs, punching things (a recent discovery), Billy Liar, Agatha Christie, Amy Tan and the Bronte sisters.

I hate that Mr Eeh Bah (a southerner) makes better Yorkshire puddings than me and I think my children are wonderful but wish they could be wonderful in a quieter, tidier, less annoying fashion.

My blog won the Badass Blog Award for Best Mommy Blogger and has been the Mumsnet Blog Of The Day, a Tots100 Good Read and Netmums Blog Of The Week, twice. (Ooh get her.)

Entries by Kirsty Smith

The 2016 Dictionary of Modern Parenting

(0) Comments | Posted 26 January 2016 | (23:00)

Modern parenting can be confusing. As a mother, I just want to know how many times a week I can feed a three year old biscuits for breakfast and still not blush whenever I say 'We don't really eat sugary snacks in our house'.

Twice a week? More if...

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Surviving Christmas With Small Children

(0) Comments | Posted 9 December 2015 | (23:00)

Christmas is for children.

Which is weird because mine have always put in zero effort.

Here are a few things you need to know about the festive season with children.

Christmas trees are dangerous

Even if you have those well behaved small children who never...

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The Loneliness of the Long-Serving Mother

(0) Comments | Posted 29 November 2015 | (23:00)

Only boring people get bored. Which is true but then you've just had a baby so you are officially a boring person, because becoming a mother is not the time to start being exciting. Peeling down to your sexy underwear on a naughty weekend break before drunkenly deciding 'Let's make...

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Miscarriage: A Positive Message

(7) Comments | Posted 6 August 2015 | (00:00)

I am a mum to a wonderful daughter and a beautiful boy who keeps demanding an audience every time he poos. And I, or rather we, suffered from recurrent miscarriage.

The first time we got pregnant we were surprised at how easy it was. We had only just met...

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What Mummy Really Means

(0) Comments | Posted 11 June 2015 | (00:00)

As a mum I'm aware that most of the things I say to my children are lies.

Not big fat lies like that time I told my daughter it's illegal for children to have their own packet of crisps, just small untruths, things that don't mean exactly what they...

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The New Mum's Guide to Surviving Playgroup

(0) Comments | Posted 15 May 2015 | (00:00)

If the idea of walking into a room full of angry babies, exhausted mums and germ ridden toys fills you with dread then know that you are not alone.

The whole idea terrified me and I've performed stand up comedy.

Playgroups can be noisy, intimidating places and as the responsible...

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Why Both Bad Mum and Perfect Mum Can F*** Off

(43) Comments | Posted 11 May 2015 | (00:00)

Perfect Mum is dead.

She tripped over her Cath Kidston change bag, skidded on her highly polished kitchen floor and landed in an immaculately executed rainbow cake suffocating in the butter cream.

Thank fuck for that.

The problem is that now there's a mummy shaped power vacuum and Bad Mum...

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Does 'Bitchy Middle-Class Mum' Exist?

(7) Comments | Posted 2 October 2013 | (00:00)

You know those mums?

Yeah those mums.

The ones that look down their noses at you and your snot covered offspring. The ones with a tribe of picture perfect children all wearing immaculate Breton tops and snacking on hummus and crudités.

The ones who can't help but brag about how...

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The Summer Holidays in a Nutshell

(0) Comments | Posted 16 August 2013 | (09:18)


And the living is ...twice as bloody hard as the rest of the year actually Mr Gershwin,

Oh, Daddy ain't rich and Mamma is not lookin' very good at all,

So hush little baby,

Don't you cry. Please stop whinging for one minute. No you're not having another ice...

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Six Ways Running is Exactly the Same as Looking After a Toddler

(0) Comments | Posted 24 July 2013 | (07:48)

1. If you're doing it right you will look like crap.

If you go for a run and come back with a healthy sheen and a big smile you need to turn your ass round and do it all again.

If have been looking after small children and your clothes...

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How to be Left the Fuck Alone by Small Children

(13) Comments | Posted 11 July 2013 | (10:11)

Are you one of those people who tuts loudly when small children ruin your peaceful coffee break?

Well I am (supposedly) in charge of those small children. And when you tut it just makes matters worse (for you, not me, my coffee break was already ruined).

Let's see if we...

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Seven Ways Festival Season Prepares You for Parenthood

(2) Comments | Posted 29 June 2013 | (00:00)

Going to festivals and staying up for three consecutive nights might on first glance not seem the best preparation for starting a family but there are definitely some benefits to be had from rolling around a field smelling of day old cider.

1. You are used to all your money...

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Protocol for Visiting a New Baby: A Guide for Her Majesty The Queen

(0) Comments | Posted 18 June 2013 | (14:55)

Normally as a guest, especially a royal guest you are the one afforded special treatment.

For example if I have guests popping round I may remove the plastic toys/ trip hazards from the stairs and floors and hoover the crust of rice cakes from the carpet in the living...

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