There is sick down the front and back of my jumper, one lot courtesy of my baby son i.e. cute sick and the other my own regurgitated dinner having read a clutch of articles about 'mumpreneurs' or women who use maternity leave to start up other careers.
It's not that I begrudge anyone success - good for them. What I have issue with is why journalists immediately think the rest of womanhood will be consumed by a new cultural pressure, to excel at motherhood in tandem with a fulfilling and profitable career.
Are we (women) really so homogenous a group that we will react in such a retarded manner?
Let's break it down. Firstly, why should someone else's success make me feel incompetent or less competent? If one follows that train of thought then one could deduce women really are moronic beings and totally buy into shit about miraculous skin creams reversing the ravages of time or that the answer to everything is found in being thin, satiating your man or both. What a load of do dos. I don't buy it.
Secondly, who are these miracle women? Well these women are a teeny tiny minority. These women are the exception. If they do have time to start up a business whilst on maternity leave, then you can be sure they have uber strong support systems, nannies, cleaners, partners etc. As any sentient being knows looking after a newborn is a 24, seven job and there is no conceivable way you can do any sort of "work" bar the basic menial domestic drudgery.
Four and a half months in and I am finding having a decent telephone conversation hard enough, never mind a full night's sleep. So why would a mere mortal mother bother to compare herself with a mumpreneur?
Thirdly, claims to have set up a business without support beggars belief and I would counter that anyone to do so is either lying through their teeth or their child is either a) drugged or b) in a catatonic state and a quick call to the social services may be in order.
Ladies, ponder this: these super alpha women with their continuous striving their constant aspirational consuming, their virulent strain of ambition smacks of neediness to me and of deep seated insecurity. Rest assured there was some childhood lack or incident such that they have a need to prove their invincibility - basically very unhappy people - and partners of such women probably cheat on them feeling emasculated by their success (my own personal theories!).
Seriously though, this concept of wanting, doing and having it all is sheer baloney - Aren't we all being just a little bit greedy?
So to all those on maternity leave who are just managing to remain sane and get through another day, I salute you (with a full glass of wine). Mothers, there is no need to feel less of a super woman because you are doing what one should do on maternity leave, i.e. Look after your child.
As I write my eyeballs are falling from their sockets and all my jumpers are patterned with puke but every morning beside me is a bundle of burgeoning life whose full nappy has invariably leaked, who has woken me up at least twice in the night, who has literally ruined what could have been a highly lucrative career in the world of glamour modelling...
Yes, I look at his innocence, a crooked smile of utter and total dependence and I am humbled by it, inspired by him, addicted to him. So what if for the next six months I watch daytime TV. So what if the highlight of my day is a piece of cake. So what if I wear stained black leggings because at the end of the day, time swiftly passes and there is nothing greater in this world than to love and be loved. After all it's the one thing that no amount of money or success can buy.
If you like the above may I recommend this, The Honey Trap
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