THE BLOG

I Want It All, and I Want It Now

29/04/2015 12:58 BST | Updated 28/06/2015 10:59 BST

I've never been able to pass up an adventure or the opportunity to try something new.

In the last few years this has led me to (amongst other things) skydiving, sitting on a live daytime telly sofa, white with stage fright, organising a (very successful) multi-venue music festival in addition to a demanding day job and dancing on stage with Take That, just last night. Really, that happened. My fifteen year old self would be so impressed.

I blame my unconventional, very non-nuclear family dynamic and childhood for this inability to say no and to constantly be seeking out new thrills.

I'm in the rare position of being an only child, yet being raised alongside my 'sisters' (my cousins) in our home from home at our grandparents house, whilst our mums - single parents, went out to work.

So, I am a melting pot of only child and eldest child. This can be a good thing. I love spending time alone, I'm fiercely independent and I'm great in an emergency. However conversely, I also have those bratty tendencies that only children have, yet have that eldest child mentality where I know best, always. I am unapologetically self-indulgent and don't really seem to know my own boundaries or limitations.

I want it ALL, and I would like it delivered, as the famous quote goes.

Add into the melting pot that I have only ever known my mum as Wonder Woman: working mama, supermum and my very best friend and there's that subconscious drive that I have very huge shoes to fill. My closest relatives were all women. They're all impressive. It made me think we can do it all.

Turns out we can, but at a cost.

There's only 24 hours in the day.

On paper I look like I have it all: a lovely home, a gorgeous man, two amazing little boys, a creative, well-paid job that I love. In addition to this I have a small freelance copywriting business that lets me do what I love (writing) of a weekend. I run a crowd-sourced women's blog where I can let my feminist flag fly, I write here on whatever tickles my fancy that day. I'm the organiser of the Oxjam Music Festival in Glasgow. My Facebook posts are filled with whatever manner of nonsense I've managed to get myself into that day. I've no doubt my life looks pretty sweet.

The truth is, I'm exhausted.

I don't have time to exercise. I've got fat. I'm constantly wired from mainlining diet coke instead of lunch. My phone beeps constantly from the SIX Twitter accounts, four Facebook accounts, instagram and pinterest accounts that I manage from the iphone I'm enslaved to.

I can't do it anymore.

I miss my children. I want to spend more time with my lovely, funny boys, who are growing up so fast. I want to have more quality time with my man, take my wee gran out for afternoon tea. I want to have time to spend a few hours of an evening ironing and doing other seemingly boring, yet grounding domestic shit that I just don't have time for just now.

So I'm stripping it right back. My latest adventure is learning how to say no.

If you're looking for me, I'll be chilling with my three favourite people at home, pottering round the shops with my mama or kicking about the gym with my bestie.

Just after I do this last night on stage with Take That of course...