OK, so you want to make friends in the Edinburgh catchment area for one month only... follow these easy to use steps and you should be as popular as a horse in no time. That is a horse who keeps winning the races. And is also very popular.
Step One: walk with a swagger - in this day and age the understated, intellectual with more going on than meets the bumbag is not valued. Dress loud and act louder. Power colours are red and gold. Use them sparingly and never together (unless it's a party, your party.)
An opening line could be "Hi I loved your show". As most people worth their salts are performers these days, this should be a 'one size fits all' approach. If they say "I'm not in a show", say, "you are, you're in the sexiest show on two feet and I want front row tickets." That should cover it. Keep it breezy though, it's all in the delivery; waggling eyebrows is a good move, but keep your hands where they can see them so it's not too creepy, above the head is a good position as it rules out any doubt. So arms up and go for it!
What if they have their own friends? Good question! While it's better to target people alone, I do understand that their friend may be at the bar. And before you can say, "nice top, do you mind if I get one", the rules have changed. The friend is there. To get round this, you need to be as unthreatening as possible so as not to arouse jealousy in the other friend. So go straight in with something which makes you look weak, examples could be: "I sometimes don't get to the toilet on time - what am I like though?" Or let them know something intimate about you "I wasn't breast fed but my brother was - what's that about?"
However, you don't want them to think you are weak, so straight away come back with something powerful, the make and model of your car, the number of sexual partners you've had, or how much your jacket might cost. These can be made up but keep a realistic ball park figure. When looking for a new friend, the quality of 'compulsive liar' rates very low on the wanted list. Mind you I only asked 2 people so it's by no means set in stone.
Step Two: Nothing left for it but to sit back and enjoy the results of how magnetic you are!
Catch Lou Sanders in her solo comedy show 'And Now For a Nice Evening With Wallan' at the Edinburgh Fringe 1-26 August @ 21.30 at he Pleasance Courtyard. http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/and-now-for-a-nice-evening-with-wallan
Follow Lou Sanders on Twitter: email@example.com