I started a business. It made me want to drink copious quantities, smoke myself into oblivion and hit my head against a brick wall. Instead I wrote a blog.
Site Launch Day: 17
User Count: 29
Going right: Someone reshared a self-promotional post in Google+. Twice
Going wrong: The person's name was in Japanese characters, so not sure how much publicity it actually got in the English speaking quarters.
Comment: Multilingual capabilities of site scheduled only for 2012. Person's profile pic was a cat in a bottle. I will never understand the beauty of bonsai.
"Did you stir the custard with a vanilla pod?" asked my very English mother, giving Paula, my very Swedish mother-in-law the very highest of female compliments in assuming a degree of culinary expertise.
"Yes" said Paula, only having heard or understood the first half of the sentence. "I stirred it very well with a spoon after I poured it out from the packet."
My mother looked nonplussed. Unsure for a moment as to how to turn any response into a further compliment.
"Well" she said. " If we had packets of custard as good as this in England, I wouldn't make any either. I shall have to take some back with us." Bingo, a compliment not only to Paula's excellent taste but her country's ability to make better custard than England where it was practically a national dish.
My mother is a past master at finding the way to stroke egos. For the last week she and my boyfriend's family have been trying to get to know each other a little better. Paula's idea was to take my family on walks around the island, out on the boat and serve them a gourmet fish soup. She's an active doer of things. Compared with my family whose idea of a good time is to do no things.
One brother doesn't like fish. AT ALL. This was the same brother that wrecked his ankle by sliding down the banisters on the first day and was consequently laid up for the week. My mother can't walk very far because of her arthritis. The last time the other brother was on a boat he was violently ill. And he had very different expectations of the holiday to begin with.
"Is there a pool?" he asked, when my boyfriend picked them up from the airport.
"No." Said my boyfriend. "but there's the sea."
"Not swimming in that." said the second. "Too cold."
"By the way we've put you in the guest house, that way you'll have some privacy" said my boyfriend. "But the toilet is in the main house. If you need to go in the middle of the night, you can go outside to pee and indoors for anything else."
Both brothers stared at him not sure if he was serious. A guesthouse without a toilet was not what they'd had in mind.
"Well" said one trying to make the best of a bad job. "I'm looking forward to relaxing in the bath." He has his mother's gift of finding the compliment in the situation.
"Sorry." said my boyfriend. "We only have a shower."
After a long pause my brother joked "You've got running water then?"
"Yes" said my boyfriend without a glimmer of a smile, "We got that 25 years ago. Although we had dry toilets when I was young."
The mix of 8 people trying hard to see the best in each other despite their cultural differences and habitual preferences, was hilarious to watch. We did pretty well.
But so often because individuals believe their way is the only way or the best way, it can cause enormous conflict because it taps into psychological insecurities. It seems that often if one way of doing something is different to someone else's way, it is taken as an implicit criticism, a personal affront.
And although it would be wonderful if everyone accepted each others' idiosyncrasies that's often not the way things are in life or business. One up-man-ship abounds and many individuals seem to focus on their own persona rather than trying to understand other points of view in order to work towards an end goal (to my ex-boss @ VF, yes I do mean you).
Stephen Covey wrote a great book called "The 7 habits of highly effective people" and I recommend it even if you buy it for just one habit.
Seek to understand before being understood.
PS. It's very easy to give advice. Not so easy to follow.