'I don't understand,' My housemate complained. 'Who are the baddies?' We were watching Charlie's Angels, and all three of us were cross with one another. My little sister and I were cross because my housemate was being an insufferable idiot; my housemate and I were cross with my little sister because she had spilled chilli powder all over our carpet, and the other two were cross with me because I kept pausing the movie to ogle Cameron Diaz.
'One day,' I vowed earnestly, as they asked me to be quiet. 'One day, I will look like Cameron Diaz.' Ignoring the snide comments and head-shaking from my housemates, I quietly finished my chicken dippers and made a plan.
'Look,' I explained to my friend the next day. 'It's very simple. I have been thinking about it, and there really is hardly anything that separates me from Cameron D.' 'Please don't talk about famous people as though you are friends with them,' My friend begged. I continued unperturbed. 'Both of us are successful, interesting females. Yet what does she have that I don't?' My friend rolled her eyes unsympathetically, and opened her mouth to launch into an extensive list. 'Exactly!' I interrupted her. 'A personal trainer. Now, I can't afford to have a proper, weekly personal trainer, and also I need to get my Cammy D body pretty much immediately, so I have signed us up for a boot camp.'
Oddly, my friend had very little to say after that, and a few days later we were at the Revival Bootcamp in North Devon. The aim of the Revival Bootcamp is to help you reset your metabolic age- which is a reflection of physical health in the form of a calculation based on your base metabolic rate (BMR). It tells you how quickly your body processes food and burns calories when resting.
We were tested for this when we arrived. I walked in smugly, certain that I was going to ace this test. 'You have a metabolic age of 39,' The camp director told me sternly. 'Yet you are only 27.' Perhaps there was something else separating myself from Cameron Dizzle.
The bootcamp was run by two Royal Marine PTIs, who led us on a range of different exercises, ranging from swimming to assault courses to rounders, interspersed with carefully prepared meals created by the in-house nutritionist.
This is what I liked about the Revival Bootcamp:
1. The enormous endorphin rush and sense of well-being that came from doing up to 7 hours of exercise a day 2. The extremely attractive and kind Royal Marine PTIs 3. Winning at rounders 4. Realising that portion control is a thing I could easily implement and see immediate benefits from 5. Beating my friend at the running test
This is what I didn't like about the Revival Bootcamp:
1. Waking up at 6.30am
2. Realising that I have the flexibility of a 67-year-old
3. When I accidentally ran my teammate out during rounders
4. Being served delicious food but in too-small a quantity
5. Not coming first in the running test
I am still waiting for my friends to confuse me with Cameron Diaz, but I'm sure that's just about to happen.
For more information on REVIVAL boot camp go to www.revivalbootcamp.com or call 020 3608 3666.
Prices start at £399