Everything I write about is from my personal experiences, someone I know or a mixture of both. This, falls into the latter.
I've realised I have an impeccable ability to put myself through situations - often leading to hurt - that could have been avoided if I had the courage to let go. I've admitted many times in my posts over the years that I am an emotional hoarder. It's vastly improved over the years but I still have a way to go. Because of this I've put myself through some crazy situations, I've done some silly things, cringe worthy BUT let's be honest, I am not alone.
The end of a relationship or "seeing someone" can be difficult, especially if you find you were more emotionally invested than your counterpart. We've all been there, the nauseous feeling when it's finally over, the constant checking phone for a message, the amazing gift social media has provided in enabling 24/7 surveillance, the superhero powers that allow us to create stories behind pictures/videos which are innocent to everyone else, the lovely friends who reassure you of his unworthiness or the fact he'll be back. All of this leads to the phase I call Killing me softly...you thought the break up or ending made you feel like death, well you're about to make yourself feel much worse...Queue phase killing me softly...
Now don't get me wrong, not everyone goes through this every time they split from someone, there is an array of factors that can lead one down this friendly path. From experience of being dumped, I have had situations where I've been dismissed and felt nothing but relief and joy, on the flip side, I've been dismissed and thought the world itself was about to crumble, suck me in, rip my heart out and gift it back to me in pieces. Lol My point is, I'm not claiming this as the blueprint for how we feel after a breakups.
Let me break it down a little further
We convince ourselves we're over a partner; we tell everyone who will listen. We tell our friends "I'm okay now" - we tell our twitter followers " They're plenty more fish in the sea" We build this notion into our everyday life that we start to believe it ourselves. In our eyes, I am over him/her. I have been here, I thought I was so over someone, I used to count the days since I last cried (So cringe) and use that point to illustrate to my friends I didn't care anymore. Insert disclaimer relating to me being 18 at the time In reality. I cared way more than I allowed myself to believe and with this particular example, I didn't get over this person until I moved to New York a year later.
What's next, we convince ourselves we can be friends with our ex partner, not only can we be friends but we can be best friends. "I'm hear if you need me" becomes a frequent rhetoric. I've found this always pans out worse for girls, we often don't recognise that this is an attempt to not let go of the person, we yearn to remain friends because having some contact with them is way better than none right? We slowly but surely convince our ex partners that YES, we can be friends all the while...we're in daily battles suppressing our thoughts and feelings. We would rather put ourself through the emotional torment of having a front row seat to see someone we still have feelings for move on rather than take a step back and do the regrouping we need to.
"But...I thought we were just friends now?" He'll say when it gets too much for you and you finally reveal the feelings you pretended were gone are flickering away in the background caressing his snapchat and Instagram whilst impressively making mental audits of his whatsapp timestamps.
I'm not ashamed to admit I've been through the above cycle countless times. In fact, I am ashamed to admit it, but I will because I'm trying to get back to honest writing. Lol Anyway, I digress, I don't claim to have the answers, I don't claim to be an evolutionist who will never go through this again - All I know is that this is something I've been through & this is something friends - male and female - have been through.
So what is the answer, what should one do? In short, I don't know. Unfortunately (or fortunately) my writing has never been about answers. I am neither a therapist nor an agony aunt. I write to challenge, to get us thinking, me included. Thinking about our habits, our behaviours, our moral beliefs, our past, our future.......well I don't know about you but I'm thinking.