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Carry On Campaigning: Sexing Up the Election

23/04/2015 16:19 BST | Updated 22/06/2015 10:59 BST

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Photo credit: Smabs Sputzer / Source / CC BY

Sid James is prowling the streets in a pin-stripe suit and a red rosette, being followed by groups of young girls with beehives and miniskirts, giggling suggestively whenever he says, 'who fancies a bit of fiscal stimulus? Nya ha ha ha!'

Meanwhile Hattie Jacques is trying to seduce Kenneth Williams on the Battle Bus, who's having none of it. Jim Dale is visiting a hospital when in steps Nurse Barbara Windsor who makes Bernard Bresslaw sit up in bed and exclaim, 'cwoar!'

It's the election and everywhere you look there's titillating images of senior politicians looking buff or heroic and all to appeal to teenage girls. How has campaigning for political parties come to this? Is basing an important decision such as who should run the country solely down to who looks good in Speedos? And why is this assumed to be the only aspect that young women would base their decisions on?

This all started with the #Millifans hashtag on Twitter, and it seems he does have an allure that defies logic. What's happened since is a sudden urgent need by political PR staff to 'sex up' their candidates. Cameron now has 'Cameronettes' which is dubious to say the least. No doubt Nick Clegg will soon have the 'Nickorettes' tying yellow ribbons in their hair and definitely not smoking. And Nigel Farage... we're back to Sid James again.

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Photo credit: Jakonen / Foter / CC BY

Whether any of this will help their campaigns seems unlikely. What's more interesting is the fact that someone obviously thinks this is a good idea. Women clearly don't want boring dullards in suits with dreary rhetoric about Europe or the Economy. They want to be swept of their feet by a dashing, dark eyed hunk who'll tell them, 'hey, everything's going to be alright baby. Trust me.' Right?

I think I'll start a new line of political romance novels: Milibands and Boon

Gone With the Wind Turbines.

A Room with a View to Economic Prosperity

Doctor Zhivago's Citizenship Test

Love, Actually Pays Less Tax.

If there were ever a time for Russell Brand to step in to the sexy new world of political campaigning, surely it's now.