Most people often say to me "Looking at you, I wouldn't have known you have autism" after I explain to them. Some who have autism are more severe than others. Me, I am not so severe however I'm still very autistic and my needs are very complex. Ask me if I'm educated and aware of my diagnosis, I would say yes, I am. It takes a lot for somebody who's autistic to understand their disability. I suppose it depends how severely autistic you are on a scale of 1-10.
My life hasn't always been easy although I would be lying if I said it was. We all go through struggles and various difficulties in life to get to where we are now. In my life, living with autism has given me the opportunity to help others and gain a blog to talk about me and my autism. Blogging about my disabilities also gives me the opportunity to help myself too. It benefits me because I'm not good at expressing my thoughts and feelings out loud. I prefer to write about it. We all have strengths and weaknesses and that's one of my weaknesses and strengths. One of the most common things with autism is that we either have something we're brilliant at and something we're not so good at. With me, I struggle with maths however I'm brilliant at English. That's one of the main, typical traits of autism.
I want to be able to use this as my time to share my thoughts and feelings with you all. I will be talking about my autism and cover other aspects of autism too. I want to kind of make this as a daily diary for myself and more importantly for you readers to look at. Now I am going to talk about my main struggle of living with autism.
I struggle mostly with my anger. I can get very violent which mostly occurs in my home life. My mother tells me that this is the most obvious issue I have. I do believe I have a lot of struggles with my behaviour. My behaviour plays a huge part of my life; throughout my life I've always had a huge temper. This is something I am always honest and openly admit because I've learnt to be open and honest, it's better than being dishonest as my behaviour explains a lot about me and my autism. Even now it still happens at the age of nearly becoming an adult. I still get those situations when I can't control it. I suddenly explode and don't think of my actions and what effect it has on other people. I break things; I'm aggressive towards my family. I instantly regret my actions afterwards, it makes me feel ashamed of the way I am.
Talking of which my last meltdown which I prefer to call it, happened nearly a month ago. My mother had told me I couldn't have something. I was not happy and suddenly felt angry as I started to break things in my home as I went upstairs to my bedroom to try and calm down. It's always hard to calm down but before I eventually did, I did an unthinkable mistake and sadly hurt my mother. I put my hands around her throat. I was very ashamed of myself because this was the first meltdown I'd had in at least six months. I couldn't imagine how hurt and upset my mum must of felt. I was deeply ashamed and sorry for my terrible actions. I don't think before I act and that's a huge problem for me.
I'd just like to say that I'm looking forward to continue to blogging for the Huffington Post and I feel hugely privileged by this. I hope you enjoyed my first post of many more to come. I am very excited to be giving you readers an insight of me and how I live with autism. I hope to spread awareness and more importantly help others in the same situations.
Thank you,
Marcus