"I can't move on!", "I miss him still" "Will I ever move on?" These are just some of the cries that I hear my clients make when they have gone through a relationship breakdown.
And what is interesting is that these cries usually come from women who are still struggling to move on from their ex relationship after three years of separation.
So the question is, why is it that some women find it a forever struggle to let go of their ex?
Well what I have found is that there are eight fears that will keep women stuck - however today I want to address five of the most common ones.
1) Fear of the Unknown
Just like the illustration shows, better to hang onto the fence, than jump off the cliff of faith and let go of the past. The not knowing causes more fear because we cannot control the unknown.
What I have experienced within myself, and in others as well, is that there is a belief that 'it's better to have the discomfort than not know what comes after it.'
Maybe this is where you are at the moment. If so, all I can say is that what awaits you on the other side is peace of mind, a sense of calmness and a feeling of gratitude that was not there before. I know because I have experienced it myself and I see this every time I work with my clients.
The resistance you may feel comes from your ego not wanting to get out of its comfort zone. However, life starts beyond it.
To find out how you can go beyond your resistance, please download your free chapters of Goodbye Mr Ex
2) Fear of Loneliness
Is it not better to occupy the mind with how things used to be, so you don't need to be present with your current reality? You may be thinking to yourself that he was the best thing that ever happened to you and that finding somebody that good won't be possible? Well, the truth is that this thought is not true.
You will just need to put your efforts into healing and working through your emotions. By clearing out the old, you will bring in someone very new, who will be better for you. You can always use your exes as benchmarks to see how far you have come!
Maybe it is scary for you at the moment, but one thing is guaranteed: If you are still looking back and not being present to what is going on around you, and not planning for the future, you may miss the chance of being in another, better relationship.
This is the time for you to follow your heart and open yourself up to new experiences that will help you soar.I have seen this time and time again with clients. Moving on for them has given them their life back.
3) Fear of Losing
I have often seen women who think that if they commit to their journey of letting go, that somehow their ex-partner has won; but this is not the case! He will definitely win if you don't.
It seems that, for many, being right is more important than the will to be happy. There is an old adage that states; you can be right or you can be happy, but you cannot be both. But wanting to be right and holding onto this feeling--this fear of losing--will keep you stuck.
What if you decided today that letting go of being right would have you win? What if winning was about letting go? By making the commitment, you are saying "I win" because you can now release all the negative emotions.
Releasing and moving on takes action and commitment, it takes 'doing the work'. It doesn't need to be a hard toil. My clients and I have a lot of fun together doing the process and the great thing is that they feel safe, knowing that they are going to reach their goal, no matter what.
To find out what the steps are to moving on please download your free chapters of Goodbye Mr Ex
4) Fear of Loss
What may be blocking you from letting go is the fear that you will lose him forever and that you will not be close to him anymore. Now, I know what you are thinking: why would I want him close if I am still angry and hurting? Well, it's an interesting one--there are some women who, even in the anger, still want the closeness because they feel guilty or uncomfortable about living for themselves.
However, I want to let you know that living for yourself is the best thing you can ever do! Now, I know this may be scary. When I have spoken to broken-hearted women, a lot of them feel lost and without direction.
Use this time to discover which direction you want to take - and if you don't know - make it up!
5) Fear of Judgment
I have experienced the fear of judgment and I see my clients going through it too. This fear shows up in women who want to leave their relationship but feel that they cannot as they will be judged by family, friends, or their ex. However, in truth the only person who is judging them the most is them. If you are being affected by someone else's judgement of you it is usually because you judge that very behavior which they are disapproving of or that you perceive they will disapprove of.
Remember, no-one will thank you for staying with something that you know in your heart is not right. Its your life and you deserve to be happy. So go ahead and do what is needed.
In short, you have to face your fear or stay where you are. The choice is always going to be yours, but if you are serious about surrendering your past so you can move into your future being present, there is no choice in the matter.
To find out what the other top fears are please download your free chapters of Goodbye Mr Ex