THE BLOG

Relationships and Men With Daddy Issues

16/04/2014 12:52 BST | Updated 16/06/2014 10:59 BST

One huge contributing factor to why many relationships fail today is because a lot of men have Daddy Issues! Yeah I said it.

Austin Powers, Tony Stark and the stereotypical 'exotic' dancer aren't the only ones inflicted with this debilitating hindrance. The average Joe asking for your number in the local coffee shop is likely to have Daddy issues the size of a small island too. They may not be the same as the next man's, but even though this topic is rarely addressed, (ironically because it's not manly), it continually stalks the psyche, (often unconsciously), of many.

The world has changed so much that individuality is the new uniform, doing things the way you want is correct and this includes parenting and relationships. It's funny, how many people believe the human superiority complex. As the dominant species on the planet, too many make the incorrect assumption that we're born with all the necessary skills to have a good relationship. I beg to differ.

These skills are acquired, and most people, (male and female alike), fail to acquire their own skills through the assumption that they already possess them; and so the cycle of relationship breakdown continues. Men with Daddy issues, have to recognise them and acquire the skills to effectively deal with them, point blank.

Deep down, every man wants to live the fairy-tale too...just like women. Yet we berate the opposite sex for being stereotypically idealistic...living in a dream world. However, all men desire the beautiful wife, home, lifestyle and memories. We want children who harness our emotional thermometer, making them easy to love by generating uncontrollable fits of laughter to overwhelming feelings of being proud; all with an architect's precision which makes us feel alive.

But most men learn not to chase this dream. Daddy issues can prevent this, creating enough cracks in a male's emotional foundation, no matter how impressive his armour is! If the dream comes to us then 'great'! We'll handle it, just like a man's supposed to do - efficiently. However, there's no way we're planning for this TV-show existence.

Each man can have his own daddy issues!

Perhaps your dad didn't come and watch you play at the football game. Was your place in the team based on his stellar reputation of how good he used to be? Maybe you were just doing it to make him proud. Nevertheless, we all know there's no point being a chip off the old block, if the block isn't there to see it.

All men are told to 'be a man'; which is hard enough if you don't know how. However, it's even more so for those boys who are told to 'be like your old man'; knowing full well, that his 6 foot 2 inch muscular frame is something that your 5 foot 7 inch stick-thin physique is unlikely to ever emulate. Perhaps your dad was the most intelligent, forward-thinking and achievement compiling male of his professional environment; and knowing this placed a psychological pressure on you, rather than the physical one to achieve something of comparative brilliance.

Or maybe your dad was just cr*p. Did he leave your mum for another woman? Damage her so badly with the open nature of his extenuating sexual exploits or controlling dominance that neither you nor her ever recovered? Most Dads just don't know how to be a Dad.

There is no parenting manual - and he was likely to have had daddy issues of his own!

This doesn't mean that these Dads didn't give it their best. However, sometimes they just don't know how to love; so he justifies his love with materialistic gifts or hollow promises.

Maybe he struggled to express any emotion effectively besides anger and laughter; and you didn't want to be on the receiving end of either of them. His anger may destroy your face whilst his laughter, (directed at you, not with you), might contribute to the destruction of your self-esteem.

And as we know, some guy's had the pleasure of their Dad being an amalgamation of all these characteristics or worse, maybe yours just didn't exist... an unknown spectre casting the biggest shadow over any of your personal qualities or achievements. Rearing its head by the most innocuous of questions such as 'who's your dad?' Some men grow up with a mother, who blames you for your absent father's shortcomings and any resemblance in you, magnifies your daddy issues exponentially.

And these are just the tip of the iceberg but before you know it, you're 21+, a man yourself so to speak. So what do men do? We play the stereotype.... Hard!

Sleeping with lots of women; getting into physical fights, refusing to back down, (even if it's stupid); pursuing the financial/materialistic kudos of our age/social group. Hiding our emotions and of course never shedding a tear - unless it's of significant purpose, like the passing of our mother of course. Even then, some men contemplate using sunglasses.

We can't be seen to be acting like a b*tch or wuss, we have to take it like a man. We have to 'man-up'. Some women even scream this in your direction, (which is even worse, because that means she IS looking at you like a b*tch or wuss), which can result in some silly retaliatory behaviour. You can see why some men would act in such a way. However, is it possible for him to have learned to deal with the daddy issues that he might be unaware of?

Regardless of the answer, the cycle has to be broken. Remember, society is powerful enough to mould and shape the majority of its individuals beyond belief. This is the world that men are navigating; a world of perpetuating daddy issues. Whilst consciously, (or unconsciously), dealing with these internal demons, he has to find a way to come out on top. He thinks he has to beat all these other men he is competing with... and then he meets a pretty girl....