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My Mad March for Comic Relief

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MIRANDA HART
AP

Sitting here, as I am, wearing a Union Jack onesie eating luke warm noodles in hotel room on an industrial estate outside Oxford, you'd be forgiven for thinking that I was beginning to finally unravel.

But you'd be wrong dear Huffington Post reader, very wrong.

For the past three days I've been undertaking The BT Red Nose Challenge: Miranda's Mad March, an idea dreamed up at the Comic Relief Challenge Unit, a high security facility buried deep in a Cumbrian hillside.

Or it might just have been some people in an office, I'm not sure.

Either way, after sending Gary Barlow and co up a mountain, John Bishop to Paris and David Walliams far too close to the sewage in the Thames, they decided it was my turn for their special treatment and that I was to be set a task a day for this week leading up to Red Nose Day.

With absolutely no idea what was in store for me I decided to build in added jeopardy before we'd even begun by falling off an inch and a half heal while reaching to answer a phone and rendering my left knee not fit for purpose.

miranda comic relief

This left me strangely grateful to be told that my first challenge was to attempt to break a world record by waxing the armpits of 16 Newcastle men - because I could at least do it sitting down.

Having survived that intensely unpleasant experience, on Tuesday the fiendish Comic Relief schemers then took one of my true loves - Strictly Come Dancing - and made me do a performance inspired by it - something myself and both my left feet have consistently sworn we would never ever do.

Fortunately my good friend, sitcom colleague and impish dance elf Sarah Hadland came to my aid and performed a lift manoeuvre that evening at Manchester Town Hall that even with bionic knees and a small trampette I would have struggled to complete.

Yesterday saw me recruiting and performing with a girl band under the tutelage of former Spice Girl Melanie C and 'Spice Boy' Louie Spence. After holding auditions for just two hours we chose our girls, furiously rehearsed and performed live on TV, resplendent in our onesies, hence my attire as I write this bulletin.

It's been quite a week so far and by the time you're reading this on Friday I'll know the type of gauntlet I've been thrown for day four of this mad march - if it's equally as taxing as the other three please think about supporting me with a text donation.

Or of course you can just make a call from a BT landline! "What?!", I hear you cry... Let me explain. The fabulous BT declared Thursday 'Chat for Change Day' and - on behalf of its customers - and will donate 1p to Red Nose Day for every call made from a BT home phone line or BT business line.

But however you choose to support me and Comic Relief, thank you. Despite their obsession with putting people through the ringer (that's a telephone joke) they are good people and will spend the money you give to do something absolutely extraordinary.

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