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Why Men Use 'Daddy Issues' To Assassinate Our Characters

15/02/2017 10:44 GMT | Updated 15/02/2017 10:44 GMT

It is a recurring comedic theme in television sit-coms and it is used as a weapon to belittle women, the term 'daddy issues' has gained momentum as a phenomenon. In phycology, our experiences influence our choices because we have all lived through decades of programming. As such, all of our actions are conditioned by a previous action. Women are labelled with 'daddy issues' because apparently their actions stem from a developmental disorder.

What does 'daddy issues' mean? It goes back to Freudian phycology which states that our parents are a pivotal influence in our lives. According to Sigmund Freud, we chose partners that resemble our parents because they are the very first interaction we had in the world with the opposing sex. Men chose women like their mothers and women chose men who resemble their fathers. It's more of an unconscious choice we make originating from our development experience.

Despite the fact that not everybody agrees with Freud, women are the butt of jokes when it comes to 'daddy issues'. Promoting the idea that women's preferences for romantic partners stem from a phycological disorder belittles all women. To make light of 'daddy issues' is to say that a woman is not intelligent enough to make her choice. Time after time we have learnt that our programming is not permanent and if we want to, we can hack our own mental states to direct the landscape of our actions.

Women are not victims. We are sneered at and mocked by sexists who ignorantly use 'daddy issues' as a way to harm our self-esteem. A woman's psyche is far more complex than we could ever imagine and decades of negative conditioning is bound to have some effect on us. However, the 'daddy issues' stamp trivialises women. It gives us a victimhood status that is not only false, but tremendously unfair to who we are as a whole.

We tell women that they have 'daddy issues' so that they can feel worthless, small and insignificant. It is powerful for men to assign patriarchal labels to us because they think it will reduce our ability to fight back. The next time somebody uses 'daddy issues' to character assassinate you, do not sit back and take it, instead deconstruct what it means about how they view women. Challenge them. Yes, our fathers and mothers might impact who we are drawn to in the world, but as conscious individuals the choice is still ours to make on who we decide to love.

I chose to love somebody who provides me with a cocktail of love, commitment, affection, trust, honesty and compassion- if even one of these things are missing then love is incomplete. I do not love a power greedy man who seeks merely to dominate me. I love a man who celebrates every aspect of me and rejoices in my power. A man that I will love will reciprocate my love and I will not settle for anything less. When a woman choses to embrace her power, there is absolutely nobody that can stand in the way of it.

Many of us are taught to associate love with abuse because we grew up in households where our parents screamed at each other and acted in emotionally distant ways. Coming from disruptive homes we internalise severed relations. As we grow older, we go on to act out the same deficiencies we once witnessed our mothers and fathers engaging in.

To be truly mentally powerful, one must conquer the decades of programming instilled into our psyches. We must learn new frameworks for love and become more tender with each other. We can love only once we have learnt the art of loving. Men label women with 'daddy issues', women go on to act out negative self-fulfilling prophecies and reinforce the idea that they don't know how to love properly - this vicious cycle is what creates daddy issues in the first place.

Despite popular opinion, nobody is incapable of love. But, you meet people where they are. If you are in pain and you are running away from this pain, you will be unable to love past your own wounds. However, if you take part in the loudest revolution ever "I love myself" then your capacity to love others will increase exponentially. Our relationships are only ever as good as we are doing. It is unfair to make women feel inadequate about their ability to chose who they love.

It trivialises woman to label them as simply victims of their daddy's power issues. Women are stronger than that. We love fiercely and wholeheartedly, we are not gullible fools who can't help our own suffering. We are all masters of our own consciousness, we all have the power to love authentically, and that includes women too.