THE BLOG

Cold Turkey for Lent

05/03/2014 12:39 GMT | Updated 04/05/2014 10:59 BST

So I've just finished eating 6 pancakes, some were slightly burnt and some were thick, soggy and undercooked. They were drenched in golden syrup and I only ate them because its pancake day... actually it isn't. It the day BEFORE Pancake Day, but everyone is busy on Tuesday 4th March, also known as Shrove Tuesday this year. So, I made them today for me and friends and did my best to enjoy them. Then I started to think.. Lent.

As I don't really consider myself as a religious person, I cant help but think I'm a massive hypocrite to be eating pancakes in the first place on such a religious day as Shrove Tuesday .. um, Monday. So surely, if I eat the pancakes, I should give something up for lent and do it properly.

I've never in my life given anything up for lent.. and there are loads of things I SHOULD give up! Big Macs, trashy magazines, Porn Hub... then I thought..I don't think I would succeed going 40 days and 40 nights without these things. Three days at the most ( I've consciously tried ) . so I decided to be a bit more detailed in what I give up. The Big Mac sauce in the Big Mac.

I have a nasty habit of ordering a Big Mac, with extra sauce. That secret sauce to me is just heaven to me. The tangy taste with the gherkin bits... But waiting those extra 3 minutes while they custom make my Big Mac filled with 3,000 extra calories could be stopped - just for lent though.

Me and a Big Mac is kind of like Morecambe and Wise, Ant and Dec, Richard and Judy.. there are always together but one isn't quite as charming as the other. The Big Mac has as much charm as a left over curry. It looks very moreish but it is just plain filthy. As soon as I've finished a Big Mac I feel as guilty as a hooker with a drug habit. And I also feel the denial wash over me as I tell me self I "needed" that for some extra energy after a hard day of life. I KNOW deep down I should say goodbye to the cheap beef, the empty calories and that heavenly heav.. en.. lyyy sauuuuuuuuccce. ( jumps up from a daydream )

And to prove how much I love the Big Mac, I've tried a Big Mac in every country I've visited to taste the difference ( only in Greece does it actually look like the picture! ) and I've gone as far as to beat men in the Big Mac challenge. How many can YOU eat!? I ate 7 in one sitting. Just the thought is grim isn't is. I should be ashamed of myself.

So tomorrow is the start of lent. I will give up that Big Mac sauce and let you know how it went. I can feel the cold turkey creep upon me already. I'm loving it!