THE BLOG

Budget 2015: Are British Young People the New Illegal Immigrants

09/07/2015 12:55 BST | Updated 08/07/2016 10:59 BST

If you are rich and over 25 you really are living the dream thanks to Mr Osborne and his little red box. It's absolutely excellent to see restrictions being lifted on inheritance tax and your banker mates getting financially rewarded for taking ridiculous risks, life is good.

So you are under 25? Oh, that is a bit more awkward, sorry about that!

Off to University next year? Well if you are from a poor family why not consider coming back when you are 26, since you are no longer eligible for maintenance support it's probably better you just leave higher education to those who come from richer families. In fact, how about sacking off Uni all together and take multiple gap years, go and inject your money in some other country's economy who might not hate you as much.

Plus, thinking on it more, the skills deficit we will have in the country in ten years will be somebody else's problem anyway, so it's probably best not to worry about that now.

You could also go and grab yourself an apprenticeship since the Government are creating an extra one million, what you get paid may even cover your bus fare for the month and you may even have something left over to do something fun, like buy lunch!

And guess what? You won't even be able to sign on, that's right; with the new 'Youth Allowance' you'll have the pleasure of doing community work if you are unemployed for over 6 months. That takes me back to when I was a young person and my friends used to participate in community work thanks to throwing eggs at their neighbour's windows.

But it's not all bad, your little brother or sister will no longer be labelled with the tiresome 'living in poverty' tag thanks to Ian Duncan Smith redefining what 'child poverty' is, that will teach those meddling lefties to label social issues. Thanks IBS, you have taught me the age old fact that if I just ignore something, then it will probably just go away.

Maybe the Government should 'redefine' young people as illegal immigrants and band them all together, I especially think the tabloids would enjoy that and make their massively important job of marginalising people just that little bit easier.

It is a great time to be alive!