It makes me feel physically sick to imagine people knowing that I used to cut my skin. I imagine how people would judge me, perhaps think I'm a freak for hurting myself, and probably feel quite sick themselves once they knew.
"You have everything to live for." A phrase I've heard far too many times in the last 14 years, in fact one of many lines that people use to tell me that it is all OK. A lot of the time I don't want to hear them as it doesn't help me and sometimes I just want a hug or to be listened to.
Yes it's great to have goals, aspirations, aims, to want be the best version of ourselves and even to keep improving but we have to cut ourselves some slack too. There has to be an off switch, moments where the 'conscience police' are off duty.
We've been raised in a culture where the man is supposed to be the provider. The pre-defined gender roles that have existed forever, seem to continue today and as a result we think that we know our place in society. We are to work. We are to build a family and to provide for them. But what happens if we can't do that?
To anyone suffering with anxiety, I know that there is a road out of it. I'm not off that road yet - and who knows when I will be - but I am on it. And that's what matters. To anyone suffering, do yourself the biggest favour and tell whatever (or whoever) is making you suffer that they aren't going to prevent you from completing a duty - whether it be to yourself or, like mine, to others. It's easier said than done, but it is so incredibly worth it. Trust me, I know.
Halloween can conjure up many images. For some it is a fun time characterised by copious amounts of sugar-filled sweets and silly costumes. However, clearly Halloween has a darker side, it can be scary (especially with this clown craze going around). For parents and teachers though the scariest thing that won't be seen this Halloween is the truly shocking state of children's mental wellbeing.
I am always worrying about what's next rather than enjoying the moment. We can't predict the future, we don't know what's going to happen but that should be EXCITING. I, for one, cannot spend the next 60/70 years worrying about what could/should be.
Autumn is hands down my favourite season. The crisp frosty mornings, crunchy leaves, beautiful colours and opportunity to wrap up in lots of layers; never ceases to make me happy. The only issue is that it brings with it Halloween... which I meet with an equal amount of excitement and trepidation.
'Cricket for recovery, cricket for all' @TheCrippledCric signs off one of his first blog posts. A potent exemplification of the healing powers in spor...
Some days you'll feel like you're back on track and then it will come out of nowhere again like a black cloud, but these days will get fewer and you will have more good days than bad and you'll know that you have the ability to feel happiness again.
In recent months I have both graduated from university and turned the ripe old age of 23. By juggling a retail job, freelance work and the occasional unpaid personal project, I scramble through most of my days searching for the sweet relief of feeling "Wow...I really have my shit together!", before I pat myself on the back and give a double thumbs up to an invisible camera. But that feeling never seems to come.
One thing that has struck me over the past few weeks is that my default setting whenever I do spiral is to forget to eat. That may be annoying for any of you reading who battle with your weight, but trust me: being so anxious that you feel sick at the thought of food isn't much fun either!
It's exhausting, being a worrier. It's like living your day two or three times over, doing all the things you have to do and worrying about them as well, plus a bit of anxiety about all those things you did and said yesterday, and the day before, and last week, and last month and even years ago
It's so easy to stay settled in our comfort zone waiting for 'someone' to come along and tell us it's OK to leave. Only we can give ourselves that permission. We can quieten that voice in our heads that says "you're not allowed to do that' and shout back: "Actually I am!"
But after a few consecutive years of doing so I realised I was bored by about Day 3! So I started to think outside the box and now I've been on some amazing holidays that offer something better than just relaxation - adventure! These are my top five.
Everyone has the capacity to be happy (content) but it's about getting to the right place mentally instead of constantly chasing outside aspirations. Looking within and accepting that the seeds of happiness are already there, you just need to recognise them.