If you have some collateral, that doesn't mean you shouldn't invest. And I may have a solution for you - dealing in modern art and vintage late twentieth-century furniture. You may think this is the reserve of the posh and rich. But, as a one-time working-class lad from East London, I can tell you it absolutely is not.
Have you ever wished you could have a secret robot alter ego? Or that you could wander around a gallery alone late at night? Well, now you can combine both these fantasies in one as After Dark is launched at Tate Britain.
A group of artists in Bedfordshire are working hard to create a piece of unique, contemporary folklore that they hope will survive down the generations. It's called Wind Charming, and the tradition, now in its second year, sees local people take to the Dunstable Downs on the last Sunday in August to "charm" the wind.
'Elasticity', as the internet was slow to realize, does not exist in any physical form, but only in the doctored photographs, video, and text which comprise Le Nézet's press release. As anyone who had commuted through Dalston Junction in the intervening time could have told you, there were no enormous concrete blocks hanging from the ceiling of that particular underground station.
What do you think of when you read the word 'Now'? Perhaps you can hear the distant warbling of Elvis Presley passionately proclaiming 'It's Now or Never'? The constant advertiser's dream slogan that piles on the pressure to 'Buy it Now'? Better still, you engage with your experience and senses right now to focus your attention on the present moment?
Of course we could use more money - we had far more applicants to our National portfolio than we could afford to support. Yes, there is more to do in terms of the balance of the Arts Council's investment and yes, progress is slow - but it is purposeful and targeted. Overall investment outside London has actually increased in this National portfolio round.
Arts funding is essential in keeping art accessible and affordable for everyone. It is essential in providing young people safe spaces in their communities. It is essential in providing economic and cultural assets to towns. It is essential in ensuring our cultural climate is diverse, fresh and exciting. Art should not be dull or inaccessible and enjoying art should not be expensive - and without sufficient funding, it will inevitably become these things.
Whenever I see Ed Miliband trying to pretend he's a human, I'm always reminded of a particular scene in Mark Tavener's criminally underrated sitcom Absolute Power in which the oily sultan of spin Charles Prentiss (not so much played by as written for Stephen Fry) is sizing up dowdy Tory shadow minister Joanne Standing (basically a pilot version of The Thick of It's Nicola Murray).