My miscarriages remain unexplained. It could be bad luck. It could be a chromosomal issue. We might never know. And that for me is the worst development. I know, it is ridiculous to want something to be wrong. But I wanted there to be something wrong with me so that there was a reason for the miscarriages.
I'd like to think that I won't let my previous experiences taint my decision- last time, my birth plan was to do everything as naturally as possible and I loved the excitement of not knowing when labour would start- but I will definitely be opting for early induction next time because I'm terrified.
Losing someone you love is difficult enough, living without someone you love is heartbreaking enough, living day by day is exhausting enough without the added frustrations and torments contributed by those who exclude and patronise those living with grief. The patronising comments and exclusion are usually unintended, I know. That knowledge does not make the sting any less, though.
The loss of my son Hugo in March 2014 has, naturally, profoundly affected me. Nothing could have been done differently in either my or Hugo's care from a clinical perspective. However, better communication, especially at the end of Hugo's life could have made an already heartbreaking situation less stressful.
Other women have every right to share their baby news, their photos, and their updates, just as I share photos of Hugo's life, and his grave garden. I would never dream of asking them to stop sharing photos of their bumps or babies. Rather than continue to torture myself, I have started unfollowing, for now, on Facebook some women...
Anyone in the world can pledge any amount they would like (min £1) towards the funding of the film and in return can select from a variety of rewards, ranging from a simple social media 'shout out', a copy of the new ebook '24weekers: The Story', through to a non-speaking role in the film and dinner with the director and some of the cast!