However many classical or sporting analogies he cites, whatever his chances of being reincarnated as an olive really are, we all know that Boris would kill to be prime minister. But then, the same is true of almost every single minister and the vast majority of MPs.
In the wake of Boris Johnson's train wreck interview on the Andrew Marr Show, much has been said about both Boris' future and the rights and wrongs of Eddie Mair's questioning style. But I think the major issue thrown up by the interview has yet to be discussed: whether or not Boris Johnson has what it takes to be the leader of a major party and what the interview on Sunday said about those ambitions.
Superheroes? Maybe not. Superficially alluring to a small subsection of disenchanted Tory voters? Certainly. Able to push a jittery Tory party to the right, despite having few policies and no MPs? Quite possibly.
All of those who think that Eddie Mair M was grandstanding on the Andrew Marr Show on Sunday have never heard the man and his work over a decade daily on BBC Radio 4. If you actually do listen to him, you'll already know that his questioning of Boris Johnson was vintage Mair and the way that this fine journalist/broadcaster treats EVERYBODY.
The Mayor of London is a brand, one of the reasons that he is simply "Boris". One name and pop! we get the entire picture. And the picture is indeed writ large. Like something out of an international Dickens fantasy...
Has the Tory right gone mad? Taken collective leave of its senses? The non-stop chatter about whether or not David Cameron will survive until 2015 and the endless speculation about whether it'll be Theresa May or Boris Johnson who succeeds him is bizarre. In fact, I find myself, weirdly, unusually and unexpectedly, coming to the defence of our poor prime minister.
I didn't do an apprenticeship, but I did a close second, which was a trainee scheme offered by my first employer. Six months of constant mentoring and moving around different roles, learning how things ticked and why my efforts made a difference to both me, my colleagues and the company.
Levels of cycling in Britain are amongst the lowest across Europe - only 2% of us use a bike as our main method of getting around. In the Netherlands, 20 times more journeys are made by bike by people under 17 than in the UK. And the main reason for this is the perceived lack of safety.
Whilst the Mayor may not be in the business of running healthcare services, he does have a responsibility to combat health inequalities. There couldn't be a bigger health inequality than some communities having access to great quality services, whilst others are forced to suffer the burden of travelling tens of miles to access services that they should be able to get locally.
Coming days after RBS announced a £607m bonus pool to "reward" staff for losses of £5bn, Boris' defence of the banking industry is in itself deluded - and as far as the UK economy is concerned, self-defeating.
The media has become obsessed that Ukip is taking votes from the Tories. But it's simply not that simple. Look at all the recent by-election results and I think it's clear to see we are having an impact across the board.
As the Mayor emphasised, emerging businesses need to be financially supported and nurtured. London is already home to the greatest concentration of tech firms in Europe and to enable this to continue, high growth small businesses need investment.
We are living in the midst of an economic meltdown, which as the latest economic figures reveal is being made worse not better by a Chancellor whose incompetence and mendacity is now beyond doubt.
It is clear that top-down regulation will only serve to deter investors at a time when more, not less, investment is needed. Instead, the mayor's proposals aim to work towards an improved private rented offer by putting Londoners and landlords in the driving seat.
Firstly, to the well-dressed people of Great Britain, I would like to repent. My confession: I was one of the first journalists in the country to spring the 21st Century's greatest crime against fashion on to an unsuspecting public.
American-born writer CJ Daugherty is the author of the successful Night School series, the first of which was the #5 bestselling YA debut of 2012. I got a chance to chat with CJ about the new book.