Do you want my alternative, semi-serious take on the latest Ed Miliband leadership 'crisis', Jeremy Paxman's retirement, Boris Johnson's birthday and Tony Blair's bizarre intervention on Iraq? All while doing keepy-uppy in honour of our (awful) England team in Brazil? Here's the political week in 60 seconds.
Whereas Cheney could once rely on the Republican hierarchy and a US national media to take note, now the former vice president is now forced to scramble for hits on YouTube, his inane ramblings on foreign policy, the Obama administration and the crisis in Iraq competing unsuccessfully with the latest J-Lo album teaser and a video on how dogs react to humans barking.
As so often, changes in philosophy are working their way from the ground-up and it is the "leaders" of society that are going to have to adapt and change.
The first time as tragedy, the second time as Farage It may be that we have seen the high point of UKIP already come and go, but somehow I doubt it. ...
Introducing spikes to move rough sleepers along is a selfish response to an issue we should all have a stake in tackling, be it social or economic... Anger has been understandably focussed on 118 Southwark Bridge Road, but that anger now needs to be focussed on finding a cure for what is just one symptom of a broader problem.
I believe that London is the best city in the world, and I want it to maintain that position. But to achieve that, what London and Londoners need and deserve is radical thinking, effective politics and a Mayor who is dedicated to this city, rather than to his or her political career.
f Twitter is outraged, the whole country is outraged, right? Wrong. Even on racism, this most sensitive of issues, not everyone in the country is outraged. Not everyone wanted Clarkson sacked and not everyone thinks UKIP is a racist party...
For the good of British politics there needs to be a conscientious shift away from this nonsense. We may not be to blame for the actions of politicians but those who govern will only ever stand a chance of being held accountable when we stop treating them like graduates of the Big Brother academy and start scrutinising their service to the public.
There is still much left for Boris to do in London, and his best option would be to firmly aim to finish his tenure here alone. Given the Tories record, I'm sure there will be someone in the Conservative party who overclaims for something somewhere and he'll be able to clamber into the Commons in a by-election sooner or later after 2016...
I believe it is vital that the tasks of setting rates and reliefs, and deciding how to spend them are devolved to local and regional levels of government. This would give people a democratic say in which types of businesses they want to encourage and how the receipts are spent, allowing them to witness the resultant effect in their own, and neighbouring, areas.
A recent case highlighted in The Daily Telegraph exemplifies the importance of jurisdiction. In essence for a case to be heard in England (or Wales) ordinarily one of the jurisdictional criteria must be met - there is an exception to this, but that is an issue for a later date.
With a fervour bordering on religious, Boris hammers out his hand gestures for the audience, his falling fist keeping time with the peculiar bridging of stresses at the end of one word and the start of the next, which he carries as a hallmark of his Eton days. "London is the teCH CAPital of the world" he tells us.
Our increasing distance from politicians is justified because true vulnerability, the very emotion that makes us human, is so lacking in political discourse. It's no wonder that we are charmed by BoJo's blundering candour. He's the only person in political office who has taken the risk of revealing his weird self.
Whether people like or loathe Bob Crow, his contribution to the industrial and political demographic cannot be diminished by partisan bias. Keep that contribution alive. Join a union. Fight for your rights as a worker deserving of respect and equity. Push for the alternative.
"Who will replace him?" These were the words that a colleague in education spoke when he heard about the sudden death of Bob Crow. Not an administrative enquiry, a question concerning who will put their name plate on his office, and who will take his place at meetings - no, this was in deeper meter, resonating with the feeling that "they don't make them like him any more".
Boris Johnson's suggestion this week that children of Islamic extremists be taken into care to prevent their being radicalised illustrates perfectly our collective failure to understand the problem of terrorism.