I'm a woman and a midwife. The two most natural things in the world I failed to do. In those early postnatal days, still adjusting to the sleep deprivation and hormones gone wild I wondered how I could be a good mother when I couldn't even get the basics right. The words 'I'm not good enough' preyed on my mind.
For the first 6 months or so I was pretty much redundant when it came to feeding Littlest View From a Daddy. With Mrs VFAD nursing our newest addition, it meant that I needed to take on other key roles that are essential when a little human arrives in the house: changing nappies, getting the washing sorted, taking charge of the family meals etc.
It's a lot of things to miss about being with M all the time, and I guess it's a kind of grief that I'm experiencing. Mourning my maternity leave. But then, I'm so very grateful, that I have those things to miss. That I have been blessed with the opportunity to be a mummy, and to spend 9 blissful months with my girl.
Women should not be lied to or misled by formula milk makers, and we need regulations to ensure this is the case. But we don't need to oversell the many benefits of breastfeeding for either mother and baby to ensure women make the "right" choice. Breast is best, but it may not always be best for all women, all of the time.
Ten months ago, I stared in the mirror at my reflection. My breasts were painfully engorged like they might explode and I thought to myself 'I'm going to need a sense of humour to get through this'. These days, on the rare occasion I go for a night out baby-free, I joke that my boobs double up as a timepiece.
So why the hell does everyone care so much about the choices this woman (who I would like to place my fave maternity bra on that none of them actually know or have met) makes? Why do we feel the need to sling mud, to debate over whether she is a bad mum scarring her child forever, that she is not a fit parent, that she is disgusting and crossing the line from nurturing into the perverse?