Two days before my daughter's first birthday, my to-do list read like this. 1) Cake. 2) Presents. 3) Dig out sagging pre-pregnancy swimming costume and go for a dip in the local pool, the whole thing filmed in close-up with a strategically positioned bright light highlighting every normally-hidden flaw.
Today, we're looking at a society of females prepared to go to extreme lengths to comply with the so-called ideal - an ideal which is realistically unobtainable for most. Alba's tight-lacing routine was a response not-only to the pressure desire to achieve an hourglass figure, but also to trim down to her pre-baby weight in record speed.
This is indeed a powerful lesson as we reflect how many people willingly head towards pain and suffering to avoid boredom. They will eat too much, get drunk, take drugs, behave violently or abusively, in fact indulge any impulse-no matter how self-destructive-to avoid or alleviate the emptiness of boredom.
As a woman who has conducted a very scientific research project into the inner psyche of sexually active blokes (i.e. has shagged around a bit) I say, with the sort of confidence normally reserved for Adele when she's telling Karl Lagerfeld to do one, that no man has ever seen me in a thong and then changed his mind about putting his willy inside of me. Never.
There's one very well known American trainer, whose client list resembles the Hollywood Walk of Fame, whose 30 day master plan involves lots of kale juice, protein bars and not much else. I mean, come on. I can get you thin on a diet of dust and water too. Your immune system might not thank you for it but hey, at least you'll be thin.