Stop yourself right there. Don't let yourself go down into a spiral of negativity as the deeper you go, the harder it will be to get out. Stop yourself before you even start on that downwards path. You know you're working hard and you're getting things done. You just struggle to get them done in the amount of time you'd like to get them done in.
You are not the thinker of your thoughts (that would be the lizard brain), you're the one who hears them. You're the one that's left when all the shitty thoughts about yourself that have been learned (incorrectly) along the way because of the life experiences your brain has been exposed to are stripped away.
Start your year by creating just five minutes a day of pure silence, whether that's sitting in your car before you enter the house, in the shower each morning, or maybe in a meditative state propped up on your bed. Silence is beautiful, nurturing and healing. But most importantly, silence allows space for solutions and ideas to bubble to the surface.
Your habits, whether negative or positive, determine your perception of reality. Your memories are not stored in isolation from everything else in your mind...they live alongside your feelings, your thoughts, andyour desires. As your feelings, habits, and goals in life change, your memories also change in accordance with them...
Please don't stop at dreaming. Do something about it. There really are loads of opportunities out there which will help you to change your life for the better. I've distilled some of these ideas into a handy list for you. This is your 'what I could do after maternity leave' list. Read it, pick out a few, and develop them into your own ideas.