You are new, so no matter what your experience beforehand everyone will assume you are utterly crap at telling jokes to people. This can be frustrating when you are trying to assure everyone you are the UK's answer to Sarah Silverman with a bit of Lee Evans thrown in *cough*. The answer? Well, my answer, is to embrace it.
After Robin Williams' (probable yet unconfirmed at the time of writing) suicide at the age of just 63, the question is once more in the air - are comedians more prone to depression than, say, plumbers, gamekeepers or human resources managers? Does the iconic 'tears of a clown' cultural trope have any basis in fact? My instinct is to say no, it doesn't - but it is just that, instinct, for I have no data. It is a difficult case to prove, for the evidence to the contrary seems so overwhelming. When a comedian like Robin Williams or Tony Hancock takes their own life, with all the consequent publicity engendered by those tragedies, it is definitely tempting to conclude 'there goes another one.'
I implore to you all: Harry Styles must be stopped. There is some hypnotic gaze that the hairstyled individual holds over young girls in order to do his bidding. This month, I will be taking the show to London and Edinburgh. Please grab your bottle of Frizz-Ease and lucky dead cat and come join me in finding out how to stop all things One Direction based.
A blind kid with disabilities does not deserve to be slaughtered by a comedian but an adult with 20/20 vision who owes you twenty bucks and drunkenly compliments your wife's tits deserves and needs to have his dignity stripped down to his ankles then whacked by some very heavy lesson biker mechanic chains.
The other day, I was scanning down my Facebook feed and saw a status update from a highly-regarded circuit act. He suggested, from listening to various podcasts, that American comics didn't rate British ones too highly. Further down, were comments from London acts, some of whom had gone as far as saying they couldn't name a British comedian they would pay to see.
I do it because I think every single human being is capable of wonderful things, and I don't think anyone is stupid. I just think that a lot of us, myself included, don't know enough and if we were more thoughtful, looked deeper into issues and knew more, we could as a society be making better decisions and live in a far better world.
In the real world we probably know that Jeremy Kyle isn't any more "moral" than us because he allegedly stole from his ex-wife to fund a destructive gambling habit and met his current wife after she "won" a competition on his radio station to marry a complete stranger. But hey, all that was before he was canonised by ITV to referee human bear baiting - so that's all right then.
Dear Rupert I've been a big fan over the years. I've enjoyed your witty asides, acerbic observations, and the time you got us all thrown out of a club for 'inappropriate dancing'. In fact, despite your ubiquity, you are consistently more funny than average (if your sample includes Sarah Teather, as she brings down the mean).
I'm certainly not one of the best writers but I have written (and directed) a new web-series that launched today. Why should you watch it? One it's been made with a lot of love and commitment, everyone has given their time for free as they believe in the project so it would be great to repay that with some views.
When they weren't out subjugating barbarians, the Romans festooned their walls with phalluses. The Vikings only started invading other countries because they'd run out of space in their own toilet cubicles. And one-third of all Neanderthal cave paintings can be translated loosely as 'I've had Ug's mum'.
Over the years I have been to numerous comedy gigs in numerous states of frivolity. I have been to many in a grumpy mood in the search of some light hearted solace to adorn my soon to be split sides. I have also arrived in such a state that I am surprised that the security staff even let me in. This brings me onto my point, if I actually have one that is. How should you, the audience act at a comedy gig?
Hello...? Not sure if there's anyone out there or not. It's hard to know if anyone is going to read my ramblings. I mean why would you? And even if you do, how will I know? This is the thing when you write, there's no immediate response. It's not like standup where you can say something, pause, and BOOM! Laughter.
I understand that you can't get reception in the many caves and basements of this city - I get that, I really do. But my flat's on the third floor, centrally located on The Meadows, and I have to go to the park if I want to make a phonecall, like I'm in The Wire or something. At least it didn't rain in Baltimore. Today I had to sit on a plastic bag.