A blind kid with disabilities does not deserve to be slaughtered by a comedian but an adult with 20/20 vision who owes you twenty bucks and drunkenly compliments your wife's tits deserves and needs to have his dignity stripped down to his ankles then whacked by some very heavy lesson biker mechanic chains.
I had a dinner party last week where I invited a few famous people I knew from when I did my interview shows. Many of them suffer from something I call 'movie star disease.' They live in their own time zone so when invited to dinner at seven they either come in at eleven with no apology or not at all.
I'm thirty years old. That's roughly sixteen years' worth of dating and being recipient to cheesy chat-up lines. Those sixteen years have included some really amazing dates that have sometimes led into relationships. They've also included entirely too many dates full of small talk that wore very thin.
Something that continues to frustrate many of us in the industry, are the media's laziness in only plucking out and promoting the same ''diverse'' young talent, over and over again as if only one exists out there. One young man that's making his moves both in front of the airwaves as behind is my old MTV presenter Melvin Odoom...
Have you ever felt that perhaps you have too much money? That the money you have set aside for a house, a car or that kidney transplant a doctor has told you that you critically need, could be put to better use? Perhaps it could be better spent making someone else's hand worth more than most people's car, well then perhaps you, like myself, have recently decided to get engaged.
I asked some well known friends of mine if they would read it and give me their thoughts. Ricky Gervais said it it was; "funny from beginning to end" David Baddiel said it was; "Very funny" and Jimmy Carr said; "It's the perfect romantic comedy, I loved it". It has been suggested I use a female pseudonym to sell the book, or have a sex change - but I'm not going through that again.
In our new play KINGMAKER, also set for Edinburgh this year, our lead character is this time called Max Newman (played by Alan Cox), a bumbling, charismatic former Tory Mayor of London who seizes his opportunity to stand for the leadership of the Conservative party and become prime minister. Sound familiar?
Another month, another comedian goes out to Africa... Thus far I respond to human suffering with my head not heart. I'm a professional and cynical observer of life after all, aren't I? Well I've brought my wife and daughter as human shields - they can shed tears for me. We're escorted by the director of a small charity, and a photographer.