In addition to those, I've discovered another category. A category for the confused... The people who either don't quite get it, or are attempting a moment of comedy. Didn't they read up on what they were visiting in advance? Were they facing the wrong way? All I know is they provide some brilliant entertainment for the rest of us!
Yes, I'm speaking out in public - although mainly because I'm too chicken to turn to my side and actually tell the three hipsters on my right to shut up, and enquiring whether they think the 'quiet please' signs have a hidden clause stating "unless you're wearing a beanie and trousers which finish mid-shin".
It was such a spur of the moment notion when Richard Curtis and a few of us got it going that it's hard to believe it has gone on to become so close to people's hearts. Back in 1985 Ethiopia was being torn apart by famine, and a gaggle of fresh faced comedians thought they might be able to raise a bob or two to help. Three decades and a billion pounds later though what's changed? For starters there's still a big perception that it's only Africa that benefits. The reality is very different. Since Comic Relief began, projects funded in the UK have touched the lives of more than 10million people.
Mrs Pickwick too is liable to similar moments. Often, I cooch up with her on Saturday mornings with thoughts of love in my mind and stare deeply into those hazel eyes I have loved for over 20 years. It is only then that I discover that she is composing a list of things she and I need to do that weekend driven by duty or necessity.
So, we have the most awaited verdict since the trial of OJ Simpson. It's official: Jeremy Clarkson has been sacked as the presenter of Top Gear. How are we going to survive without this hard-drinking, chain-smoking, politically incorrect and surprisingly fat ex-public schoolboy? Going forward, it's clear Top Gear is dead without him. There is no motoring show they can create which will make a ripple of the impact that Top Gear makes. Why? Because Top Gear isn't about the cars. It's the heavily scripted, beer-bellied, corduroy-jacketed banter between Clarkson and his TV bitches James May and Richard 'Hamster' Hammond.
I've been an environmentalist for 25 years now... Some people might think I'm a bit of a fanatic. Jeremy Clarkson would, no doubt, belittle my desire for a greener, healthier world for this and future generations by saying I'm an 'arty-farty, Lycra-clad cycling leftie-weftie who knits his own muesli' - or, more likely, would just punch me in the face. But I don't care. Because I know that unless every one of us does our bit (and is clearly told what 'our bit' is), we face a very unpleasant future.