Bowie made me think differently. He gave me permission to read literature and philosophy and like abstract art. Then later, inspiration to leave my small Northern town and try my luck in the big wide world. Aged thirteen I never anticipated that my schoolgirl hero would have such a huge influence on how I learnt to deal with death and mortality, through a cancer diagnosis and the loss of my father.
I admit, I miss the income I once had. I would like to make a greater contribution to the household budget. This, however, is partly down to the age of our children. Our youngest daughter starts school next year and I see light at the end of the tunnel. Until that time, I am quite happy with how things are. My wife is free to concentrate on her career while I have taken on the main responsibility for looking after the children.
As a new dad, with no experience of a baby before apart from whanging my sister's dolls out of the way by their arms when we were much much younger, knowing that a baby was arriving imminently was quite scary and no amount of antenatal classes, even with life like dolls, could really offer the reassurance that I was looking for.
I have always been someone who was career driven, with clear work ethic and never shied away from hard work. It's was instilled in me growing up. I remember my dad telling me of when I was a baby, he had 2 jobs so at 5pm he'd finish work come home, eat, get a bus into Central London and then work into the early hours.
My 10 year old son is a good and keen footballer. He plays for a team and it's getting quite competitive. He was playing an away cup match a couple of weeks ago, the usual Sunday morning stuff. The referee didn't turn up and so one of the dads from the home team stepped in. You can see where this is going...
It's funny how a small stick with wee on can change your life so dramatically!... well that, and having sex without wearing 'waterproofs. Obviously I didn't wee on the stick, I was tempted though as I'd heard this myth that if you do, and it changes colour or something, it's to do with a faulty prostate.
It's my husband who is helping me up and down the stairs, in and out of the shower, cooking every meal, washing every dish, helping me up from the sofa, being chief chauffeur, doing all the shopping, handing me Baby Boy when I can't bend and lift, settling the toddler next to me for cuddles whilst trying to mind my scar.
"I don't think my dad ever loved me." This is the statement I hear my clients repeating time after time. It's irrelevant who says it, men or women, although it is more common coming from women, given that an unhealthy relationship with their dad, i.e. 'Key Male Figure', tends to reflect in their relationships