Dating Stories

The Towel of Truth

Nicola Six | Posted 17.08.2014 | UK Lifestyle
Nicola Six

I'd been nagged by my friends to try out Tinder as soon as I got my new phone and I reckoned it could be worth a laugh. There was even talk that one of my more sensible friends had - gasp - met someone 'normal'. So I took the plunge and quickly matched with a very good looking older man.

He Said He'd Never Put Out on a First Date - Should I Be Impressed?

The Guyliner | Posted 12.07.2014 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

He goes into a long diatribe about how relationships can only be brief and meaningless when founded on sex and that he prefers to get to know someone "spiritually rather than carnally". I wonder which rock of self-help this bizarre statement crawled out from under.

The Invisible Woman

Nicola Six | Posted 07.04.2014 | UK Lifestyle
Nicola Six

A gang of dressed-up twenty-somethings come barging past and one of them steps on my toe, which is not ideal as I am wearing strappy sandals that consist of wisps of diamanté nothingness. I yelp in pain but he doesn't even stop or acknowledge his clumsiness. I limp off to the bar to sulk and ruminate upon the fact that I have officially become INVISIBLE.

A Date in a Pretentious Pub

Chris Rooney | Posted 26.03.2014 | UK Lifestyle
Chris Rooney

Jane went to the bathroom leaving me to ponder my situation. Instinctively, I checked my phone and entered #Brockley into Twitter. The first result gave me a jolt: 'another date with a weirdo at The Orchard in #Brockley - at least the risotto was good! Haha #loser'

My Date With an Image Consultant

Chris Rooney | Posted 18.10.2013 | UK Lifestyle
Chris Rooney

I would have to say that the oldest cliché in the dating world is the one surrounding humour. The late Christopher Hitchens once said that, in the sexual stakes, 'if a man isn't funny, he's finished'. As a man of great humour, I would be inclined to agree. Many times, in preparation for a date, I have organised my anecdotes.

A Disastrous Date and a Blast From the Past

Nicola Six | Posted 30.09.2013 | UK Lifestyle
Nicola Six

It didn't get off the greatest start when we both went to completely separate bars within the same building and when we finally met up we only had half an hour to get acquainted. Initial perceptions weren't great - he was the same height as me and was cut a lean, wiry figure in his hipster garb.

Disastrous After Work Drinks

Chris Rooney | Posted 17.09.2013 | UK Lifestyle
Chris Rooney

Sally joined in, and my higher brain functions shut down. A business guru once said it was advisable to 'err on the side of action' - with this in mind, I snaked my arms arounds her hips. Sally's smile fell away when I refused to let go.

My 40 Excuses for Not Being Married at 40

Pete Cashmore | Posted 16.10.2013 | UK Lifestyle
Pete Cashmore

I recently turned 40 and, still being not remotely married, I decided to come up with 40 possible reasons why... One: 51% of the world's population is female, which means that, statistically, 2% of all men simply have to miss out. So, yes, I'm shit at maths.

10 Terrible Opening Lines From Dating Profiles

The Guyliner | Posted 04.09.2013 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

As I always say, your dating profile is your storefront, your big shiny window display that you use to get the punters in. But in just a few short sentences, you can turn your gleaming emporium of you into a rundown old convenience store, with dirty canopies, smeared windows, and nothing of interest inside.

The Time I Tried to Reinvent Myself

Chris Rooney | Posted 03.09.2013 | UK Lifestyle
Chris Rooney

Looking up, she gasped, "what happened to your face?" "This?" I said, stroking my three day beard... "Is this because Charlotte knocked you back?" "No, of course not. I'm just trying something new. I wish to reboot myself, as it were. I want to be reborn as a grittier, edgier version of me. Dark and brooding, I am going to be the Christian Bale of HR."

The Problem With Being 'Single'

Natasha Chowdory | Posted 01.09.2013 | UK Lifestyle
Natasha Chowdory

Is being 'single' so awful that we need to be reminded that 'it can be awesome'?! I don't know if I'm being odd or if I just don't understand. But why is being 'single' an issue?

The Day I Was Set-Up - When Matchmaking Goes Awry

Chris Rooney | Posted 20.08.2013 | UK Lifestyle
Chris Rooney

A new dating avenue opened up to me the other week when a friend wanted to set me up with his girlfriend's friend - "the introduction" - a classic high-risk/high-gain manoeuvre. I was very excited. Should things go well, I thought, we could all form a summer gang and link up for festivals and beer garden larks.

A Date With the Guy Who Preferred Wheels and Pedals to Flesh and Bone

The Guyliner | Posted 05.06.2013 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

Whatever the reason, sometimes we say yes when we should be raising the drawbridge in an emphatic no. Johnny, 28, is such a no. But his square jaw and icy blue eyes draw me in, and he pets my vanity like I'm a cat drunk on all the milk in the world...

A Brief Encounter With the Guy You Will Always Find in the Kitchen at Parties

The Guyliner | Posted 13.05.2013 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

I slink over to the kitchen and scour the worktops for a tipple. I settle on a big bottle of Plymouth gin and glug as much as decency will allow into the nearest clean glass, before peeking around the kitchen, like a meerkat, on the search for tonic. I soon see a bottle, which is attached to the hand of God, or his nearest approximation on Earth.

Our First Date Was in the Bathtub - Where Next for Me and the Cute Colombian Guy?

The Guyliner | Posted 10.05.2013 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

In his faltering English, he tells me he wants to take me out for coffee. I've loads of work to do and look like I've been sleeping on the backseat of a bus for a week, but when I cast my mind back to the bubbles, I remembering liking what I saw. Let's see how he holds up without the taps digging into his back.

A One-Sided Date With the Inquisitive Guy I Couldn't Say No To

The Guyliner | Posted 08.04.2013 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

I thrive on flirtation on dates; it's the plutonium I need to get me to the end of the night. From him, however, there is none. Usually I'd put this down to nervousness or shyness, but that's not the case here. He exudes a kind of bland confidence; he's not brash or assertive, just, well, a bit boring.

A Riverside Date With the Saintly Guy Who Was My Good Deed for the Day

The Guyliner | Posted 12.03.2013 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

It's 7.30pm, it's a Thursday evening and I am sitting scratching my name into a wooden table outside the Queen Elizabeth Hall while my date enters his twentieth minute talking about his job. Oh, this happens. The problem with asking people what they do for a living is that they tell you.

A Bittersweet Date With the Guy Who Dared Me to Say It Was Over

The Guyliner | Posted 18.01.2013 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

We have slept together only twice, the last time such an amazing display of sexual incompatibility it should have been sketched for a textbook on how not to do it. I was left with merely an aching arm and a throb I had to alleviate alone.

A Brisk Date on the Beach With the Guy Who Forgot His Age

The Guyliner | Posted 03.10.2012 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

When your lake becomes devoid of fish - or you're sick of catching the same old ones - you must cast your net farther. To the sea, even. And so I find myself in a seaside town, firing up a dating app (allow me the indulgence of fooling myself that the men on this app are only looking for dates and nothing more intimate) and seeing who's available.