If you were one of the lucky couples to get engaged over Valentine's Day weekend, congratulations! This is a special and exciting time, and no doubt thoughts of engagement parties and wedding preparations are already providing hours of anticipation and joy.
If we are always projecting, and reflecting, then the people we are surrounded by, should give us an indication of the type of love that surrounds us. Of what we put out into the universe, we get back.
Whilst this may be a time where you feel like doing nothing more than shutting yourself away from the rest of the world, you will need the support of others in both a formal and informal way to get through this. The challenge is choosing who can support you, and in what way?
Telling the children is the part that many parents fear the most. The last thing that they want to do is hurt their children and it's a really difficult conversation to have as the consequences are life changing for the whole family. However there are some guidelines that will make it a little easier if you follow them.
I had two children and no family around to help. I had to drop out of courses during divorce number one and had to quit one full-time job during divorce number two and opt for a part-time position that was paying me not only a fraction of my previous salary but that was also mind-numbingly dull.
Being with friends and family feeds the primal human need for connection and boosts oxytocin (the happy hormone). Before they leave they'll stack the dishwasher and tell you about the salsa dancing classes they've organised for both of you. Don't argue. Just go.
After the initial January fresh start, how many people who are now in the process of divorce actually start thinking, have I made a mistake? Is it really worth it? How do I stay focused not he future? Will I ever move on?
Broken hearts don't mean a separation shouldn't happen. When a relationship has run its course it's likely the children will have felt the tension or the fading of one or both of you, and that's not good for anyone.
Most affairs are rarely just about the desire to get steamy with someone else. They are far more often about people's inability to negotiate the relationship they are in. "People usually have affairs to cope with a marriage rather than end it," says Janet Reibstein.
If truth be told, it's about time I put myself back in the shop window for real now. No more excuses. No more "it's too soon", or "I've got to put the kids first", or even "I'll write a book about it instead of doing it for real".
Divorce will be a watershed moment in your child's life no matter how amicable it is. I often say, that the divorce is in itself important, but what is even more important is how it's handled as this can end up being the primary trauma.
Over the course of the week, a definite trend started to emerge. On the one hand clients want and need legal advice, but on the other, many are concerned that getting lawyers involved will inevitably lead to spiralling costs and exacerbated tensions in an already fraught situation.
There are numerous research studies out this month that show that January is the boom month for relationship break-ups. Apparently if you are married there is a one in five chance that you have considered breaking up this month.
Having been through the process twice, I know that these next few weeks or months will be, very likely, shrouded in anger and hurt, and accompanied by a seemingly bottomless bucket of resentment.
The conundrum is, how can marriage be a morally superior course of action on the one hand, and an insurance policy for a statistically high divorce possibility on the other? The two just don't quite fit together somehow.
It's easy to write about domestic violence as statistical figures, as if it's happened to others, possibly those with backgrounds dissimilar to your own. But writing about it as an experience not only of yours, but of others around you, is another matter...