A woman named Kate Middleton recently gave birth to a baby. That's not news. What if Kate had given birth to a giraffe, a hippo or an echidna? Now that's news. Especially since a baby echidna is called a puggle, which is way cuter than any human name anyone has ever come up with.
I was reading through the morning papers when the office rang: "Kate is in Labour. Can you make your way down to the Lindo Wing as soon as possible?" It's the call I had been waiting almost a month for. My baby bag was packed and had been cluttering up the hall since the start of July. It was crammed with everything I could possibly need for an open ended job. I had been in labour for three days with my son so I was prepared for a long wait...
Maybe it's marriage, maybe it's fatherhood, but it seems that Prince William's long-standing loathing for the media is beginning to mellow. When he came out of St Mary's Hospital, Paddington, with Kate and the new baby, William was positively oozing charm to the baying press mob.
Post-partum hair loss and noticeable shedding is more likely than not something that new mothers will have to contend with. But why is this?
The gift I want to give the new born prince is one of equality with the common people. I want them to be free to choose their own religion, marry whom they will and choose their own career without causing an abdication crisis. That they have no duties to defend an established status quo but are at liberty to think for themselves...
So there we have it; the conclusion of the greatest product launch campaign Britain has ever seen. No, Apple didn't bring out the iWatch while you weren't looking. I'm talking about the latest release from modish mass market lifestyle brand Clarence House.
I mused as I scrolled though these over just how close to the brink of insanity the celebrity press is teetering. When I reached my personal favourite, KATE'S HAVING A BABY GIRL! PALACE UPROAR: ROYALS WANT MALE HEIR! I thought, do they realise how completely batshit crazy they sound?
Various irrelevant statements have been flung around, such as: 'I don't care about the royal baby', 'this weather has to break soon' or even 'the monarchy is an elitist institution which undermines our democracy.' All this matters little when we consider that the little prince will affect us even as we affect indifference.
I wasn't at all shocked by OK Magazine's newest cover story: "Kate's Post-Baby Weight Loss Regime". Body-shaming a woman less than 48 hours after they gave birth is entirely keeping within the normative behaviour of women's magazines. OK Magazine might have been the first of the women's magazines to publish diet tips for the Duchess of Cambridge but they won't be the last.
Raising a boy has its own particular joys and challenges. Duchess Kate and Prince William have some experience looking after younger brothers James and Prince Harry, but being a parent is entirely new. Here are some of the things that new parents of sons have to look forward to.
Amidst the celebrations of the birth of a British prince, it is worth thinking about what this may mean psychologically for a youngster who will turn 18 in 2031. A look back at his forebears gives a hint of the psychological challenges he will face.
It is astonishing how many people do not know what their name means. It is not because they lack intelligence, but because English is a language with so many foreign roots that we have often lost touch with the origins of words. So whereas 'Myrtle' or 'Lilly' obviously refer to plants and flowers, many others are much less clear.
You might consider that being born a royal means you are born lucky - are some people indeed born lucky? The luckiest people alive - or at least people who believe they are lucky - are born in May. The Royal baby, it appears, has missed out being born in May by around two months - how unlucky is that?
With the media and social networking sites in full Royal Baby frenzy now seems as good a time as any to think about parenting. I find myself at that age where more and more of my friends are becoming parents. After a while you begin to notice patterns in parenting emerging based on how people discuss and portray their family life online.
Since the announcement of a royal baby, the nation has been counting down the months, weeks and days until the arrival of our future king. Well finally the wait is over! And what better way to celebrate the birth of the little prince than by making your own POM Royale cocktail!
In what can only be described as adding insult to injury, the Ham & High reported a badly injured cyclist being taken to St Mary's Hospital, "where the Duchess of Cambridge is due to give birth". The bizarrely inappropriate royal reference has since been removed from the article.