I mused as I scrolled though these over just how close to the brink of insanity the celebrity press is teetering. When I reached my personal favourite, KATE'S HAVING A BABY GIRL! PALACE UPROAR: ROYALS WANT MALE HEIR! I thought, do they realise how completely batshit crazy they sound?
Various irrelevant statements have been flung around, such as: 'I don't care about the royal baby', 'this weather has to break soon' or even 'the monarchy is an elitist institution which undermines our democracy.' All this matters little when we consider that the little prince will affect us even as we affect indifference.
I wasn't at all shocked by OK Magazine's newest cover story: "Kate's Post-Baby Weight Loss Regime". Body-shaming a woman less than 48 hours after they gave birth is entirely keeping within the normative behaviour of women's magazines. OK Magazine might have been the first of the women's magazines to publish diet tips for the Duchess of Cambridge but they won't be the last.
Raising a boy has its own particular joys and challenges. Duchess Kate and Prince William have some experience looking after younger brothers James and Prince Harry, but being a parent is entirely new. Here are some of the things that new parents of sons have to look forward to.
Amidst the celebrations of the birth of a British prince, it is worth thinking about what this may mean psychologically for a youngster who will turn 18 in 2031. A look back at his forebears gives a hint of the psychological challenges he will face.
It is astonishing how many people do not know what their name means. It is not because they lack intelligence, but because English is a language with so many foreign roots that we have often lost touch with the origins of words. So whereas 'Myrtle' or 'Lilly' obviously refer to plants and flowers, many others are much less clear.
You might consider that being born a royal means you are born lucky - are some people indeed born lucky? The luckiest people alive - or at least people who believe they are lucky - are born in May. The Royal baby, it appears, has missed out being born in May by around two months - how unlucky is that?
With the media and social networking sites in full Royal Baby frenzy now seems as good a time as any to think about parenting. I find myself at that age where more and more of my friends are becoming parents. After a while you begin to notice patterns in parenting emerging based on how people discuss and portray their family life online.
Since the announcement of a royal baby, the nation has been counting down the months, weeks and days until the arrival of our future king. Well finally the wait is over! And what better way to celebrate the birth of the little prince than by making your own POM Royale cocktail!
In what can only be described as adding insult to injury, the Ham & High reported a badly injured cyclist being taken to St Mary's Hospital, "where the Duchess of Cambridge is due to give birth". The bizarrely inappropriate royal reference has since been removed from the article.
ay is believed to have dropped a tidy sum on a whopping blue diamond ring, in honour of their daughter's name. It's a new trend that celebs are adopting, so when I suggested I needed a "push present"... It's a growing phenomenon in the US, and with the birth of Prince Wills and Kate's first baby imminent, I'm left to wonder whether she will get one too.
You've got to feel for the Cambridge's. (Not the global media attention or the world and it's grandparents-to-be. Not that bit). No, I mean the waiting bit.
The most significant influence in recent years has been Kate Middleton whose impeccable fashion sense has been instrumental in boosting takings in British High Street tills, inspiring optimism in a flagging clothing industry. The Reiss fashion chain, for example, is reported to have increased its fortune by £5 million to £130 million after Kate wore its creations.
Prince William and Kate Middleton's rumoured due date, July 13, is fast approaching. Being a first-time parent is difficult for everyone, but with all their royal responsibilities, they'll likely need some extra help...
As the most famous father in the world, he'll have the power to influence thousands - if not millions - of families for the better. You don't need to be a flag-waving Royalist to get excited about an opportunity like that.
A new baby trumps any guests, even royal ones. All special treatment is diverted to the newest member of the family and guests must respect this and accept that standards in the home you are visiting may not be what they usually are. So Your Majesty do not be surprised if you glance around the room and see William's underpants drying on the radiators.