To censor myself, or adapt my Blog, to remove mention of the maternal, would amount to succumbing to the taboo of mentioning - let alone promoting - mothering and maternal care, and to the unease with which women often feel in proclaiming their rights or protecting the interests of themselves or their families.
We need to be having the type of conversation that we are happy to have on our blogs and in forums and Facebook groups in the big wide world face to face with people. More than that though do we need to talk to people who are not already on our wave length, we need to stop preaching to the converted and start preaching to the masses.
When my mum died after a long fight with Alzheimer's, grief threw me an opportunity to consider her legacy to me, and my three daughters. A friend said to me, "We all leave our shadow behind". So what is my mum's shadow? What will mine be to my darling daughters so they have what they need to thrive in the modern world?
The professionals, the midwives and the health visitors - the first port of call for mothers and fathers after a birth - are in agreement that PND does exist in fathers. They acknowledge it and are trained to ask about it, and this is a significant step in the right direction towards getting fathers the help they need.
It's important that we recognise that some men will not benefit from being at the birth of their child. For some people this would seem like a step backwards, the exclusion of anyone based on their sex, from anything, will always be seen as such, but we must remember that a father's mental health is important too.
Feeling slightly inadequate or left out is normal. You may sense that you are missing something special, by not being able to feed the baby. You might experience a perceived (or real) loss of intimacy, as your lover's role is reframed... So, it is helpful to know there are many ways you can 'breastfeed' the baby!
You might feel that no-one at work quite understands how you are feeling. Men need to off-load too. Some find it difficult to ask for help, especially with emotional issues, but please do, find someone you feel comfortable with (a friend, a relative or a professional) and let go, it will be a great relief.