It's easier to describe the presence of something than the absence of something but the feeling I had really was an absence; I noticed fear wasn't there. I listened for it, I tried to feel it, I waited for a fleeting thought to come and it simply didn't appear. It was the first time in years I was able to enjoy the moment without those nagging doubts in my head.
That feeling of fear. What is it? Describe it? When I ask this of myself and others, the replies are the thoughts people have about fear and not a description of the "feeling" of fear. That is not unexpected, after all it is the left brain's, rational/analytical job to put into words feelings that arise from somewhere in our bodies, the subconscious.
You probably haven't seen it, even if you consider yourself quite a horror fan. It's from a film that remains difficult to track down, and was never very widely shown in the first place. In my opinion it's one of the truly great moments in horror cinema, and I don't want you to go and check it out under any circumstances.
We have two nervous systems. One is the sympathetic nervous system or the "on" switch for anxiety and the other is the parasympathetic nervous system or the "off" switch. We need to learn where those switches are and what turns them on and then what turns them off and let me tell you it's not simple either, but also not impossible.
I am so scared. I am terrified that I will fail. Those are the two sentences I am afraid to say out loud. I am terrified to admit that I don't think I'm good enough. It is a daunting thought... can I actually do this? I'm I strong enough, am I smart enough; do I have enough guts and get go to go and get my dreams?
I don't like confronting situations. In fact, I avoid them at all costs. But am I refusing to look fear in the face? Yesterday I knew I was going to run into someone I didn't particularly want to see. Yet, I mustered up my courage, was an adult about it, and went ahead and steeled myself to do it anyway.
Are our lives so dull and boring, that we crave such exciting, even depraved, thrills to liven things up? These Halloween experiences offer the same thing as fast fairground rides and horror movies do; the opportunity to experience an adrenalin rush (caused by shock and fear) in a relatively safe setting.
I've been having a ridiculously difficult time in recent weeks. Months, really. Okay, longer than that, but that's not the point. Lately, it's been especially hard and to be honest, I came apart last week, not something I do easily or often, let me tell you. To be honest, I can't remember when I last ended up in that terrible place.