Funny Dating Stories

A Near Miss With the Guy Who Had Attachment Issues

The Guyliner | Posted 02.03.2014 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

I get the feeling that he's typing one-handed, so decide now's as good a time as any to go into silent mode. He gives it one final go. "I shaved today," he says. I see the email has an attachment: a photo, which I open. Yes, he's shaved all right. Everywhere. Instead of a smooth chin or chest, I see gleaming genitalia - Spam-pink with sensitivity and not a hair to be seen...

A Booze-Free Date in a Museum - What Could Possibly Go Right?

The Guyliner | Posted 25.01.2014 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

Alcohol isn't always a must on a date, but it helps. Not only can inebriation aid attraction and conversation or soothe disappointment, it is also handy to have something to sip during awkward silences. Will I really be able to fall in love without a glass of beer in my hand?

How an Edamame Bean Turned an Awkward Date Into a Nightmare

The Guyliner | Posted 23.01.2014 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

At that moment, our main courses arrive. My stir-fried vegetables look even limper and sorrier than I feel. I pick at them. Hugh eats his curry greedily, like he can't wait to finish it and get out of here. I am thankful for this. We do not speak at all.

A Date With the Nice Guy Who Always Finished Last

The Guyliner | Posted 23.01.2014 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

His profile promised the romantic equivalent of high-speed broadband. Instead he is, at best, alternately fizzing and flatlining dial-up on the Isle of Skye. He's telling me about his career thus far. It's light on comedy.

A Date in the Park With the Guy Who Asked Me to Suck it and See

The Guyliner | Posted 22.07.2013 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

"Go on, just suck it. You might like it." I roll my eyes. Yet another date who confuses sleaze and innuendo with flirtation. For me, they're uneasy bedfellows. I'm sitting in the park on an unseasonably warm day for the time of year. Before me is a mini banquet of all manner of romantic foods.

A Delicious Date With the Lip-Smacking Lovely Who Had a Bellyful

The Guyliner | Posted 08.02.2013 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

I have a rule: no food on a first date. It can only end in disaster, really. Sauces slop down your front a whole lot more eagerly if you're dining opposite somebody you're desperate to impress and vegetable-induced farts are all the more enthusiastic if they know you're sharing crudités with a stranger.

An Awkward Date With the Guy Who Gave Me a Serious Case of Déjà Vu

The Guyliner | Posted 04.02.2013 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

It becomes clear why I don't fancy him at all, why the fireworks failed to materialise - he looks like me. Like, spookily. His hair, the same kind of dishwater brown and even greying in similar spots as mine, is styled as if he used me for a mirror. I'm on a date with myself.

A Well-Rehearsed Date With the Local Potplant Who Failed to Grow on Me

The Guyliner | Posted 28.12.2012 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

One slogan I do have a fondness for, however, is 'shop local'. It's nice to keep things in the neighbourhood, to contribute to the good of the community, and so it is that I find myself in a bar not a 20-minute walk from my house, waiting for the next Guy.

A Spectacular Date With the Flirtatious Charmer Whose Thrills Turned to Chills

The Guyliner | Posted 14.11.2012 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

My date leans on the bar and looks me over, before telling me he's glad he messaged me. I thank him, and then ask him why he did in the first place. I don't generally seek approval or security by asking dates why they're interested in me, but he is a genuine puzzle.

A Heated Date With the Guy Who Had a Beautiful Body... And Held it Against Me

The Guyliner | Posted 29.10.2012 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

He is taller than I thought he would be, his dirty-blond hair slicked into a side parting, and wearing a white T-shirt with a wide crew neck which grazes his collar bone. He beams as he sees me and walks over to me. I stand and put out my hand for him to shake. Ridiculously, pathetically, I puff out my chest.

A Date With the Good-Looking Graduate Who Turned Out to Be a Hot Mess

The Guyliner | Posted 29.08.2012 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

The true currency of dating, the one you never really think about, is time. Whether you're buttering up a honey in a noisy bar, doing extra lengths at the swimming pool to impress a buff lifeguard or stumbling through endless online profiles, the amount of time you spend on this initial process can be disheartening if the end result is less than satisfactory.

A Date With the Handsome Former Colleague Who Proved Business and Pleasure Don't Mix

The Guyliner | Posted 18.08.2012 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

I've never had the misfortune to date anyone from the workplace and I've no intention of dipping my toe in that stagnant pool now, so it is with some bemusement I accept an ex-colleague's invitation to go for a drink.

A Fractious Date With the Volatile Guy Who Was the Marrying Kind

The Guyliner | Posted 31.07.2012 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

The old saying goes that the Devil finds work for idle hands, but he also seems to run an interesting sideline in spicing up long, boring afternoons.

A Hopeful Date With the Architect Who Had All the Right Moves

The Guyliner | Posted 06.06.2012 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

Dating can be a very solitary experience, despite the fact that you're meeting up with another person. Travelling to the date you are alone in your thoughts, every possible scenario whirring around in your head, and nine times out of ten, you end up going home by yourself -- okay, maybe eight.

A Disappointing Date With a Straight-Talking Guy - But I Rained on My Own Parade

The Guyliner | Posted 11.05.2012 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

One can spend what seems like a lifetime wading through the deep and meaningful in search of love, or whatever your approximation of that is. As I have learned with the majority of my pre-date wooing, sometimes the build-up isn't worth the final result.

10 Toxic Things You Really Shouldn't Say On Your Dating Profile

The Guyliner | Posted 05.05.2012 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

The dating arena is second only to its Roman gladiatorial cousin when it comes to viciousness. But rather than fleeing knife-wielding savages, daters find themselves fighting off the advances of unwelcome, pot-bellied irritants or, more commonly, trying their best to seem attractive to those who probably wouldn't urinate on them if they were ablaze.

A Confusing Date With the Volatile Guy Who'd Had a Bad Day

The Guyliner | Posted 25.04.2012 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

Date in one sentence: Bitter little s*** has a bad day and takes it out on an unsuspecting dater with perfectly truthful photographs, thank you very much...

A Festive Fling With the Neat and Tidy Guy I Had to Let Go

The Guyliner | Posted 06.03.2012 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

Winter. Brrrr. Mulled wine and Christmas shopping, festive drinks, tinsel and coupledom. I'm not really thinking about what the festive period is going to be like without a significant other, but I am wary of starting something at this time of year.

An Eye-Opening Date With the Guy Who Couldn't Handle His Tequila - Or Me

The Guyliner | Posted 15.02.2012 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

Being a Yorkshireman, and knowing what a pain in the arse they (i.e. I) can be, I tend to stay away from them as potential dates. The familiar accent and anecdotes about growing up in the north don't particularly interest me.

A Bromantic Date With the Straight Guy Who Gave Me a Taste of my Own Medicine

The Guyliner | Posted 17.01.2012 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

We set a time and date over email, his communiqués making me laugh out loud (an occurrence all too rare) and then it is done. It is happening. My 50th date, my one-man Golden Jubilee, may be the oddest proposition of them all.

An Odd Date With the Guy Who Had Big Ideas but Didn't Quite Measure Up

The Guyliner | Posted 23.01.2014 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

Only a few weeks earlier, I committed a hugely embarrassing faux pas when I agreed to go on a date with a guy over text, only to discover that it was someone else entirely, who I didn't want to meet.

A Wonderful Date With the Guy who was Too Good to be True

The Guyliner | Posted 14.12.2011 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

There is no ego boost greater than being contacted by someone very good-looking. I know that beauty is both only skin deep and in the eye of the beholder, and you can call me a shallow old sucker, but you can't beat a winning smile and a pair of bright, sparkling eyes.

A Charming Date With the Guy who Drank Himself Under the Table and out of my Affections

The Guyliner | Posted 30.11.2011 | UK Lifestyle
The Guyliner

Just like objects in the rear view mirror can appear closer than they are, photos on an internet dating profile can look much more flattering than their real-world counterpart. The latest guy comes into my life during a late-night browsing session.