funny tweets
“Just met 4 dachshunds in the park called Gary, Steve, Kevin and Dave, and my day improved by approximately 659%”
"having a pet rlly shows u how pure love can be, like me n this lil creature love each other to DEATH and nvr held a conversation."
"Once you’ve taken a nap with a dog in the middle of the day, how can you continue to believe in capitalism even a little bit"
"the irish catholic goodbye is when you leave a party and then feel really really guilty about it"
"I got my car stuck in the mud while out with my kids. In related news, I owe $365 to the swear jar."
"I get it dogs, I too want a little treat when I do something right"
"my cat talks a mad amount of s**t for being a creature i can easily pick up and wiggle"
"Never underestimate the memory of a kid whose sibling didn’t help with chores one time three years ago."
"love when a dog has a stupid name. what do you mean this idiot answers to Typewriter"
"Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university."