You are new, so no matter what your experience beforehand everyone will assume you are utterly crap at telling jokes to people. This can be frustrating when you are trying to assure everyone you are the UK's answer to Sarah Silverman with a bit of Lee Evans thrown in *cough*. The answer? Well, my answer, is to embrace it.
Immediately I began to draw a fair amount of attention, I could see people sniggering, actually sniggering at me. I tried to act normal whilst flexing biceps and breathing in. People looked up from books and stared, a group of young girls looked at me then hid their mouths behind conspiring palms... "What the hell is wrong with these people? ... What's so damn funny?"
It wasn't until the end of the shift that one of the girls I was working with let it slip that I wouldn't be getting paid for my time. Yes, that is correct. Aside from a few pounds in tips, I wasn't getting compensated or my time. I might as well just have spent the evening engaging in my normal routine of obsessive cleaning and reality television.
Yes TfL has started letting you bus it even if you have only one penny's worth of credit. And sure, if you're lucky enough to have a contactless debit card, you're probably fine. But let's face it: at some point, most of us are going to want to get a night bus, having run into negative Oyster balance. And then what, eh?
If you ask Twitter for funny women, you'll get no shortage of answers. They're out there, so there is no excuse for your list excluding them like a social underclass. Without too much ado then, here they are. In alphabetical order, because I really only use the pretence of democracy as a filtering system, this isn't a popularity contest, here are 10 of the funniest women on Twitter...
Cousins, from the French: Cushions, are people you know and don't know. Like the milkman and Kanye West. They are a collection of similar DNA placed at the interpersonal distance equivalent to the being across a well lily padded pond in that you recognize parts of them but their details are shaky and their odor is damp.
In the following short film (or 'film short' for those of you), my comedic partner Andy King and I (almost named after a popular musical) present a warm tribute to this time of times. Pray silence then for 'King Dredge,' as we are called, and let us take you back to the olden days of yore. Possibly before yore, I'm not shore.
1. You can wake up at 5pm, and its fine- you may have wasted the day but you've still got the night. 2. The 'is it cold or is it damp?' game. Clean, warm dry clothes are the stuff of legends. 3. Mould is totally edible. You've even started to quite like the taste. It's also your permanent house guest.