My worst nightmare is becoming a burden to my family, which I'm sure is in the back of many people's minds. No one wants to put loved ones through such difficulties and heartbreak. Why is it the people we love the most seem to be the ones who end up suffering? I am painfully aware my family, despite their smiles and good humour, encounter strains and difficulties due to my ill health.
When people ask me "How are you?" I have to think twice, not because I don't know, but often am not sure what they want to hear. Some ask out of common courtesy, simply being polite, but would rather I answer "I'm fine thank you" than hear a long account; perish the thought of hearing the truth and understanding the full picture of living with chronic disease.
Every morning as I clean my teeth, and the strange reflection of someone I once knew stares back at me with an expressionless face, I wish I had a magic mirror that would show me what I'd like to see. Unfortunately the mirror does not lie, as I look at myself I can hardly believe it's me. Our bathroom scales annoyingly also tell me the truth...
As Parkinson's (or any serious illness) progresses, it's easy to lose one's self confidence. When I was first diagnosed I immediately came across several people who had been living with Parkinson's for some years and therefore had already experienced many of the stages and symptoms that occur as the disease advances.
How many times have you been asked by a doctor; "On a scale of 1 - 10, how bad is the pain?" Unfortunately I've been asked this question too many times to count. I realise a doctor needs some indication, a clue as to what he/she is dealing with, but I wonder how helpful this unreliable approach really is.