I can say with confidence that I'm losing many of my cognitive abilities. If you need someone to help you remember something, don't ask me; I am most definitely not your girl. My fiancé has learned not to start any question with, "Do you remember...," because the answer will always inevitably be no.
We've all faced 'feature creep' - the often overwhelming new choices and functions of our shiny new technology that can baffle, confound and occasionally distress us. But not all technology or innovations needs to perplex us. Sometimes we smack our foreheads and say "wow, I never even knew I needed this, but it will change my life."
You wake up and decide to print out a million of pieces of paper with your face on the front. You've been very clever and made it so that these pieces of paper cannot be forged because the quality of the image is so remarkably high. You try selling these pieces of paper to other people in return for real money. Low and behold, people start to buy your paper off you and trade it amongst themselves. You are pretty pleased with yourself.
I took my poo phone into the Apple Store and the genius up the back told me, "This phone has been water damaged." I replied, "Hey genius, I'm not here because it's working. Can you fix it?" He told me it'd be cheaper to get a new one. So I told him about the time I had sex with a real girl and his head exploded.
So what if the 11-year-old has shone round after round in the competition, excelling at every test of intelligence put before her? She's got a bit of hair between her nose and her mouth and it is holding her back, people. Take out the tweezers, heat up the wax and roll up your sleeves: we've got an innocent 11-year-old waiting to be objectified.