The costume dilemma has moved on from when I was a child, you wore a Halloween costume if you went trick or treating, no trick or treating no costume. And that Halloween costume was a plastic witches hat with synthetic hair from the corner shop and a black bin bag over your clothes. Voila a witch.
Halloween is like a thing now. When I was a kid? It was a thing. But like a really crap thing? It was more aimed at teens that would come and knock on your door and your Mum would have to scrabble around for a Mars Bar and shove it in whatever Kwik Save bag they were holding.
Virtually all Halloween traditions are based either in ancient pagan culture, or in Western culture. From an Islamic point of view, they are all forms of idolatry and as such are forbidden. Indeed if you are caught entering the UAE with items related to witchcraft you will receive a lifetime ban.
A road and a pane of glass separated us but I still blushed and swayed in my chair as I tried to hide my noticeable swoon from my friend. A grin spread over my face that didn't depart for the remainder of the afternoon. I was smitten.
With its excess of parties, sweets and decorations, the dark and ancient Pagan festival of Samhain morphed into 'Halloween': the new Christmas. I think, in a similar vein, the bloody history of Valentine's Day's means it's becoming the new Halloween.
When you have your face painted as a Sugar Skull, with an electric blue wig and fairly lights piled on top of your head its always great knowing you stand out. But when you get told 'You look so amazing, the best I've ever seen you ', it's hard to take that as a complement.
Is it just me, or is there an army of Christmas elves and pixies hanging around in the dark backrooms of high street shops, just waiting, feet on the blocks, for the exact second Halloween is declared over?
The best thing about Halloween is undoubtedly the fact that it gives us carte blanche to spend the day, evening, weekend or whole week (depending on your partner's enthusiasm for Halloween, of course), watching nothing but horror movies.
I don't like Halloween. I don't like Halloween because Halloween is not scary. I spend an inordinate amount of my time frightening, disturbing and creeping out your children. Figuring out ways to give your kids nightmares is sort of my thing.
A thick fog has descended over Food Tube HQ where some frightfully delicious recipes have risen from the shallow depths of the internet... Mwhahahahahahaha!
The popular rapper Professor Green recently confessed to me that he thinks he might be a WEREWOLF!!... But first, with All Hallow's Eve this week, I thought there'd be no better time to sit down and think about my favourite monster.
I'm not a Halloween Scrooge, far from it! I like nothing better than dressing up like a tw*t and taking my kids knocking on random people's doors asking for free stuff in a terribly unBritish like fashion.
It is not an issue of women who go out wearing negligées, it is an issue of misogyny and men who have no idea how to treat women... If you want to dress up as a sexy nurse, or a sexy doughnut, or a sexy caterpillar, or just a regular unsexy caterpillar, I don't see a problem. Go forth and enjoy your night.
Halloween allows us to confront our long sheltered fears about death and darkness without putting ourselves in actual danger, enabling us to make fun of our most primal anxieties.
Though I'm running the risk of sounding like a person a lot older and more disillusioned with the state of this new-fangled world than myself, I will say it, HALLOWEEN IS NOT AS SCARY AS IT WAS BACK IN THE DAY! And by 'back in the day', I mean the day of the S Club 7 and constant Kenan and Kel re-runs...so around 10 years ago. You know what I mean though.
I want to recount to you the creepy thing that happened to me last year. Some of you will remember it from the time. Others of you will be new to this. Either way, since that time a lot of information has come to light. I hope it will be of interest to you...