Kites

Valentine's: The Most Insufferable Day of the Year, But Please Don't Tell My Girlfriend

Matthew Phillips | Posted 13.04.2013 | UK Entertainment
Matthew Phillips

There is only one thing more depressing than being single on the 14 February and that's to actually be in a relationship. Whilst bachelors and bachelorettes worldwide will be able to drown their sorrows in a lonely den of iniquity, I will be forced to join the charade of institutionalised romance.

Now That the Party is Over, Musical Reasons to Be Cheerful in 2013

Matthew Phillips | Posted 10.03.2013 | UK Entertainment
Matthew Phillips

Well, dream on dreamers. The most we can expect from 2013 is the onslaught a triple-dip recession and a new series of Downton Abbey. Admittedly, the latter eventuality is not entirely disagreeable, but one can't base their sole raison d'etre on a BBC period drama.

Ho-Bloody-Ho! There Must Have Been More to 2012 Than Austerity, Censorship and the Mobot?

Matthew Phillips | Posted 17.02.2013 | UK Entertainment
Matthew Phillips

The Chinese zodiac tells us that 2012 was the year of the dragon. It wasn't; 2012 was the year of the Boris. While George Osborne looked vampiric beside an increasingly choleric Cameron, Mayor Johnson marched through the capital with the air of an all-conquering war hero.

Don't Drink and Jive: Why Alcohol and Performance Do Not Make Cosy Bedfellows

Matthew Phillips | Posted 23.01.2013 | UK Entertainment
Matthew Phillips

I don't feel the need to rid myself of inhibitions prior to a gig because, in all sincerity, the stage is one of the few places that I can be entirely myself, warts and all. If you can't amplify your neuroses and insecurities at a show then, frankly, what's the point?

You Might Be Able to Play the Viola, the Tuba and the Concertina, but I Can Play the iPad

Matthew Phillips | Posted 07.01.2013 | UK Tech
Matthew Phillips

Imagine teaching Jackson Pollock how to correctly apply a paintbrush, or reprimanding Keats and Nabokov for their abominable spelling. Likewise, it probably wouldn't have harmed Lou Reed to have learnt how to properly pluck a guitar. Remember, art is not always about godlike displays of virtuosity.

Music and the English Language: I Don't Mean to Sound Slutty, but Please use Me Whenever You Want. Sincerely, Grammar

Matthew Phillips | Posted 25.12.2012 | UK Entertainment
Matthew Phillips

What vexes me most is not that these artists are indolently committing crimes against the English language, but that they are wasting a hallowed opportunity. Words add depth, colour and personality to a song. In fact, they become even more powerful when projected onto a musical backdrop, which is why I shudder when lyricists make a conscious decision to rhyme nonsensical syllables.

Take Off Those Sunglasses Bono - You Look Ridiculous

Matthew Phillips | Posted 10.12.2012 | UK Entertainment
Matthew Phillips

Where my clemency for sunglasses begins to wither however, is when artists, particularly singers, wear their ocular devices with a perpetuity that is offensive. No one is guiltier of this crime than the prophet Bono.

I am on Twitter and I Need to be Loved

Matthew Phillips | Posted 26.11.2012 | UK Entertainment
Matthew Phillips

It can't be denied that Twitter has completely redefined the relationship between performers and their fans. Once upon a time, our glitterati were untouchable and infallible. Nowadays, one is likely to receive a personal invitation from Peter Doherty with instructions to burgle his house, graffiti his walls and scandalise his personal bidet.

I Am a Frontman and I Have a License to Offend

Matthew Phillips | Posted 19.11.2012 | UK Entertainment
Matthew Phillips

It seems to me that frontmen principally fall into two categories: the cloyingly modest or the intolerably arrogant. Rarely is a perfect balance struck between these stereotypes and, more frequently, we find artists yo-yoing between the two like unhinged schizophrenics.

To Hell With Being Meaningful; Performance is About Presentation

Matthew Phillips | Posted 10.11.2012 | UK Entertainment
Matthew Phillips

My band, Kites, once had a slogan, which read 'All style; no substance'. At the time, this mantra was designed to be facetious. You see, I have unveiled contempt for performers who are so consumed by their own highfalutin that they forget to create a show for their audience.

I Think I Smell a Rat!

Matthew Phillips | Posted 02.11.2012 | UK Entertainment
Matthew Phillips

For the purposes of this article, I am prepared to be uncharacteristically candid: I compulsively read my reviews and, what's more, I naively look at all the public comments.