The Chinese zodiac tells us that 2012 was the year of the dragon. It wasn't; 2012 was the year of the Boris. While George Osborne looked vampiric beside an increasingly choleric Cameron, Mayor Johnson marched through the capital with the air of an all-conquering war hero.

I don't feel the need to rid myself of inhibitions prior to a gig because, in all sincerity, the stage is one of the few places that I can be entirely myself, warts and all. If you can't amplify your neuroses and insecurities at a show then, frankly, what's the point?

What vexes me most is not that these artists are indolently committing crimes against the English language, but that they are wasting a hallowed opportunity. Words add depth, colour and personality to a song. In fact, they become even more powerful when projected onto a musical backdrop, which is why I shudder when lyricists make a conscious decision to rhyme nonsensical syllables.